Bacteria Jokes

What do you call bacteria that can swim fast?

Micro Phelps.

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What's the difference between bacteria and rednecks?

When looking at bacteria you can actually find some culture.

Which country has the most number of bacteria, viruses, fungus and other micro-organisms?

GerMany

What happens to a bacteria when he travels from his home colony to another?

He experiences culture shock.

How bacteria stay in contact while they're in jail?

They exchange cell numbers.

Why Can't you see the bacteria in milk?

Because it gets past-your-eyes (pasteurized)

Where do bacteria go when they die?

St. Petri Dish.

Where do bacteria like to vacation?

Germany

What do you call an egocentric strain of bacteria found in a Chipotle burrito?

ME-coli

Why do bacteria congregate in public places?

It's a part of their culture.

Why did the bacteria cross the microscope?

To get to the other slide

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Where do the bacteria gangsters hang out?

On the Yeast Side.

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What do you call a country that doesn't use credit cards?

A Czech Republic

Why is there so much "twang" in Country music?

It is the sound a guitar makes after six or seven generations of inbreeding.

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What does a Russian use to wipe their mouth?

a soviet

Whats red, 10 inches long, and makes your girlfriend cry when you put it in her mouth?

her miscarriage

Contact Jokes More Contact Jokes

Why did the phone keep walking into the wall?

It lost its contacts.

Why did the chicken get a Ouija Board?

To contact those on the other side.

Eye Jokes More Eye Jokes

What has two heads, four eyes, six legs, and a tail?

A: A horse and rider.

What do you call a deer without an eye?

No idear.

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Which country has the most number of bacteria, viruses, fungus and other micro-organisms?

GerMany

How did Micro-soft get it's name?

Because Bill Gates has a 3.5 inch floppy

Pasteurize Jokes More Pasteurize Jokes

Why couldn't the cow leave the farm?

She was pasteurized!

Why Can't you see the bacteria in milk?

Because it gets past-your-eyes (pasteurized)

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What do they call Chipotle in Canada?

Chipotl-eh

What do you call a voucher for complimentary Chipotle?

free coli

Virus Jokes More Virus Jokes

What's the easiest way to get a virus into ISIS computer systems?

By sending them executables.

What common trait do viruses, trojan horses and worms have in common?

They are all INSECURE.