Microsoft Jokes

What's Justin Timberlake's favourite Microsoft Word alignment?

Justified. (NB Sincerely hoping that this is actually original)

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What do Microsoft updates and Brock Turner have in common?

They install at night, while you are asleep, without consent.

Why is apple afraid of microsoft?

because 7 8 10

Which phone??

Person 1 : Suggest me a good phone to buy nowadays. Person 2 : Microsoft Lumia 950 XL is good for winters, will keep you warm. Very warm. Person 1 : So what about summers then? Person 2 : Same, it freezes often as well

Why did Microsoft go straight to Windows 10 and skip 9?

Because Windows 8 9.

Why wasn't the son of God worried when Microsoft Word crashed while he was writing his term paper?

Because Jesus saves.

Why didn't Microsoft release Windows 9?

Because Windows 7 ate 9.

Why did microsoft go straight to windows 10 ?

They were trying to keep their german market.

Why did microsoft go directly to windows 10?

Because windows 7 8 9

Why isn't there a Windows 9?

Hey Microsoft, why is there no Windows 9? You've given us 7 and 8, and now you're skipping straight to 10?" "Well, to be completely honest, 7 8 9."

What's your favourite food if you hate Microsoft Word?

TeX-MeX

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Why did Microsoft skip windows 9?

Because 7 ate 9

Why did Microsoft skip from Windows 8 to Windows 10?

They revived to much XP

Why is Microsoft going straight to Windows 10?

Because 7.. 8.. 9

Why did Microsoft skip to windows 10?

Because 7 8 9.

Why won't Microsoft hire any maids?

Because they don't do Windows

Why is Microsoft skipping Windows 9?

Because Windows 7 8 9

What would a scandal involving Microsoft be called?

Gatesgate.

Why did Microsoft go straight to Windows 10?

Because 7 8 9

Why is Microsoft coming out with a windows 10 instead of 9?

Because 7 8 9

Why did Microsoft name their new operating system Windows 10?

Because Windows 7 8 9!

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Why is the new OS from Microsoft called Windows 10?

Because 7 ate 9.

Why did Microsoft skip from Windows 8 to 10?

Because Windows 7 ate 9!!! :D

Why did Microsoft jump from Windows 8 to Windows 10?

Because Windows 7, 8 9.....

What company spent over $6.2 billion in buying Viagra?

Microsoft

This joke may have profanity.

How do you greet an overweight Micronesian when you're trying to sound cool?

Microsoft Word.

Why are Microsoft circuit boards so bad?

They use French resistors.

Why did Microsoft skip straight to 10?

Because Windows 7, 8, 9. I'll see myself out.

Why did Microsoft skip Windows 9 and go straight to 10?

Because seven "ate" nine.

How many Microsoft executives does it take to change a light bulb?

A: We can see no need for uninstallation and have therefore made no provision for light bulbs to be removed.

What does it take to break a Nokia phone?

Microsoft.

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Why did Microsoft skip a number when naming their new operating system?

Because 7 ate 9.

How is Microsoft like Bob Marley?

I do updates before I do updates. And then I do updates.

How many Microsoft executives does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None. They just redefine 'darkness' as an industry standard.

How does Microsoft count to 10?

1, 2, 3, 95, 98, ME, NT, 2000, XP, Vista, 7, 8, 10.

How soft is Bill Gate's pillow?

Microsoft.

What does his wife call it?

Microsoft.

Who's Microsoft's favorite musician?

Adele

Why did Microsoft name their new web browser "Edge"?

Because people familiar with the U2 guitarist of the same name are already used to long delays.

What does it say on the door of the Microsoft store?

No shirt, no shoes, no Surface.

Who has the better search engine: Yahoo, Google, or Microsoft?

I dunno. Let's google it!

What did Bill Gate's wife say to him on their wedding night?

No wonder you called the company Microsoft

Why is Microsoft skipping Windows 9 and going straight to Windows 10?

Because 7 8 9!

Why couldn't Bill Gates get any girls?

His hardware was Microsoft

What does Bill Gates call his manhood?

Microsoft.

What kind of cereal does Microsoft make?

Wind O's

What is the best evidence that Microsoft has a monopoly?

Santa Claus had to switch from Chimneys to Windows.

Why did Microsoft go straight from Windows 8 to Windows 10?

BECAUSE SEVEN ATE NINE *drops mic*

Why did Microsoft skip windows 9 and annouce windows 10?

Because windows 7 8 9

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Eat Jokes More Eat Jokes

How Dave Grohl spent his night in his hotel room after the concert in Gothenburg, Sweden?

He watched movie Cast Away (starring Tom Hanks) and ate some potato chips.

Why was six scared of seven?

Because seven "ate" nine.

Microsoft Word Jokes More Microsoft Word Jokes

Why wasn't the son of God worried when Microsoft Word crashed while he was writing his term paper?

Because Jesus saves.

How do you greet an overweight Micronesian when you're trying to sound cool?

Microsoft Word.

7 8 10 Jokes More 7 8 10 Jokes

Why was Windows afraid of 7?

Because 7 8 10.

Why is Bill Gates scared of the number 7?

Because 7 8 10.

Window 9 Jokes More Window 9 Jokes

Why did Microsoft skip Windows 9 and go straight to 10?

Because seven "ate" nine.

Why is Microsoft skipping Windows 9?

Because Windows 7 8 9

Term Paper Jokes More Term Paper Jokes

What does a pig use to write his term papers with?

Pen and Oink!

Why wasn't the son of God worried when Microsoft Word crashed while he was writing his term paper?

Because Jesus saves.

Thank Jokes More Thank Jokes

How do feminists screw in a lightbulb?

By holding the bulb up to the socket and waiting for the world to revolve around them EDIT: Rip inbox EDIT 2: Thanks for the gold!

What does Apu say when people leave him to browse reddit?

Thank you, Karma gain

Install Jokes More Install Jokes

What do Microsoft updates and Brock Turner have in common?

They install at night, while you are asleep, without consent.

Why don't men install urinals in their houses?

Their wives just wouldn't stand for it :)

Buy Jokes More Buy Jokes

What did the farmer say to Pat Sajak?

I'd like to buy an owl

Why do americans get manuals when buying a new car?

I thought they only drive automatic