Why does Bernie know he'll win the elections?

Because his good friend Nostradamus told him he would.

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Know Jokes More Know Jokes

How heavy is a photon?

I don't know, but it's probably light-weight

What's the difference between a pedant and a sadist?

A sadist is honest about his intentions. That probably wasn't funny, but what do I know?

Tell Jokes More Tell Jokes

How can you tell if Lady Gaga is dead?

Po-po-po-po-po-po-poke-her-face

Why can't you tell when a Pteradactyl goes to the toilet?

Because the P is silent.

Win Jokes More Win Jokes

How does Greenland win a war?

Nuuks.

Who wins?

Neither. France surrenders and Italy switches sides.

Good Friend Jokes More Good Friend Jokes

How much for the best friend?

Manager : Sir, we've been through this, our cashiers aren't for sale.

What's the worst part about driving Ford off a cliff?

Ford was my best friend.

Election Jokes More Election Jokes

How was the election rigged?

Through the Electoral College.

How do people in Iowa get elections?

By watching corn!

Bernie Jokes More Bernie Jokes

What do you call a man who's on fire?

Bernie.

Why did Bernie Sanders cross the road?

He didn't, he was distributed evenly on both sides. Bernie supporters, please don't downvote me to hell, it's just a joke