Erection Jokes

When you wake up in the morning with an erection so stiff, that when you bend it down to take a leak, your legs kick back and you hit your head on the toilet.

Why did Bilbo Baggins die with a Erection?

Because old hobbits die hard. (Just a different Punchline)

What do you get when you take Viagra with an iron supplement?

an erection that points north.

This joke may have profanity.

Why does the Asian News Anchor not stand up from behind his desk during presidential races?

because he's covering an erection!

Why do asians got to the hospital after voting?

Everyone knows that you should see a doctor for an erection that last longer than 4 hours.

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What did the priest get at Toys R Us?

An erection.

What do you call a preacher with an erection?

A firm believer

Why is China a communist country?

Because nobody wants to hold an erection.

What do Asians do during an erection?

They vote

What's the difference between polite conversation and an erection?

I can maintain polite conversation.

Why doesn't democracy work in china?

Because no one wants to hold an erection.

What should you do if you get an erection on the subway?

Get off at the next stop!

What do you call a turtle with an erection?

A slow poke!

What does a Japanese man do when there's an erection?

He votes!

What do you call a waterfall which causes erections?

Viagra Falls

This joke may have profanity.

Exceptionally Bad Dad Jokes: So frightfully awful.. yet wonderfully spiffing

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What's the difference between an erection and a Camaro?

I don't have a Camaro....

What do an 80 year old smoker and the Japanese House of Representatives have in common?

They only have an erection every 4 years

What's the difference between an erection and Colin Kaepernick?

An erection can make it past the semis, and still stand up if you sing for it.

What's the hardest part about walking through a field of dead babies?

My erection.

Why do men get erections while they sleep?

So they don't accidentally roll out of bed.

What's the difference between my daughter and my wife?

I need viagra to maintain erection with my wife.

This joke may have profanity.

What's the difference between an erection and a Ferrari?

whisper I don't have a Ferrari.

What is the hardest thing about staring at a pile of dead babies?

Possible NSFW) My erection.

This joke may have profanity.

What do you say when someone dies while getting an erection?

He came and went at the same time.

What is the hardest part of cuting a baby in half with a straight razor?

My erection.

What did Adam say to Eve the first time he got an erection?

Stand back, I don't know how big this thing is gonna get!"

Whats the difference between a porsche and an erection?

I dont have a porsche. (Best told by whispering in someones ear.)

How long does it take a baby to die in the microwave?

I don't know, I lose track of time when I have an erection.

How do the Chinese vote?

With their erections.

Why do men struggle to urinate with an erection?

It's just too hard.

What do you get when OP gets erections?

What is the hardest thing about walking through a field of dead babies?

My erection.

What do you get when you stab a baby with a knife?

An erection and a place to put it.

What kind of erection does a burn victim get?

Firewood.

What happens to an Asian guy when they run into a wall with a full erection?

They break their nose!

What do you get when you stab a toddler with a pair of scissors?

An erection.

What does an Asian man do during an erection?

Vote.

Whats the problem with running through a field of dead babies?

Your erection....

What's the difference between my erection and my motorcycle?

My wife actually looks forward to riding the motorcycle.

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Half Jokes More Half Jokes

What's worse than biting into an apple and finding a worm in it?

Finding half a worm in it. And what's worse than that The holocaust

Why do countries "cut ties" when things get tense ?

So weird having men walk around in suits and half ties.

Difference Jokes More Difference Jokes

What's the difference between a new wife and a new dog?

After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.

Whats the difference between and old computer and a woman?

a computer accepts a 3.5 inch floppy

Pinnochio Jokes More Pinnochio Jokes

What is every young ladys ultimate Disney fantasy?

To sit on Pinnochios face and hope he tells lies.

What secret organization does Pinnochio work for?

Wooden you like to know

Man Jokes More Man Jokes

How did the man see her?

It was a bright sunny day.

What do men and sperm have in common?

A:They both have a one-in-a-million chance of becoming a human being.

Semi Jokes More Semi Jokes

What do I have that FC Barcelona doesn't?

A semi

Who would want a "Semi" tattoo on their colon?

Not that there's anything wrong with that....

Delay Jokes More Delay Jokes

What's delaying the Polish space program?

A: Development of a working match.

What did the victims of a month-delayed April Fool's prank feel?

Dismay.

Hard Feeling Jokes More Hard Feeling Jokes

What did the dog say to the vet that just castrated him?

No hard feelings.

What did the vet say to the dog he just castrated?

No hard feelings.

Mourn Jokes More Mourn Jokes

What do necrophiliacs get at funerals?

Mourning wood.

What happens when a necrophiliac goes to a funeral?

He gets mourning wood.