Light Bulb Jokes

How many communists does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One guy to screw in the light bulb, and the other guy to shoot him if he doesn't do it right.

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How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. That's a hardware problem.

How many "suh dudes" does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. It's already lit fam.

How many babysitters does it take to change a light bulb?

Are you joking? They can't even change a dirty diaper!

How many "friend zoned" guys does it take to change a lightbulb?

How many "friend zoned" guys does it take to change a light bulb? None. They just compliment it and get mad when it won't screw.

How many feminist does it take to change a light bulb?

None because feminist can't change anything.

How many Harvard students does it take to change a light bulb?

One. He holds it up and the world revolves around him.

How many Hillary supporters does it take to change a light bulb?

None. cmon , they'd much rather be kept in the dark.

How many Vietnam vets does it take to change a light bulb?

You don't know cause you weren't there

How many Vietnam veterans does it take to change a light bulb?

You weren't there, man!

How many optometrists does it take to change a light bulb?

One..... Or two...

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How many feminists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. They just hold it in the socket and expect the world to revolve around them.

How many software engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

Can't be done, it's a hardware problem.

How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but the light bulb really has to want to change.

How many Black Lives Matters protesters does it take to change a light bulb?

Don't be silly, Black Lives Matters protesters can't change anything.

How many dirty buggers does it take to change a light bulb?

Thirty.

How many Germans does it take to change a light bulb?

One. They're efficient and don't have humour.

How many IT guys does it take to change a light bulb?

No IT guys change light bulbs, they just keep flicking the switch on and off again until something happens.

How many Californians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Californians don't screw in light bulbs, they screw in hot tubs and infinity pools.

How many Republicans does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to pay a Mexican to do it, two to deport him afterwards.

How many Alzheimer's patients does it take to change a light bulb?

To get to the other side.

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How many surrealists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Fish

How many super saiyans does it take to change a light bulb?

Find out next time, on Dragon Ball Z!

How many graphic designers does it take to change a light bulb?

Does it have to be a light bulb? 'Cause I had this other idea...

How many redditors does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to screw it in and one to take credit for it.

How many Pokmon does it take to change a light bulb?

Not sure, gotta catch them all first!

How many Freudian psychologists does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the ladder and one to screw your mother - I mean light bulb!

How many boring guys does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One

How many mods does it take to screw in a light bulb?

removed

How many twists does a feminist need to screw in a light bulb?

None. They just grab it and the world to revolve around them.

How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?

Salmon

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How many pollsters does it take to change a light bulb?

One, plus or minus one.

How many feminists does it take to change a light-bulb?

THAT'S NOT FUNNY!

How many blondes does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Three. One to hold the light bulb do and two to spin the chair

How many Apple employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A lot, apparently. Have you seen their new building?

How many trannies does it take to change a light bulb?

None, it's perfectly happy being broken, it's the fitting that has to change.

How many kids with ADHD does it take to change a light bulb?

Lets go play on our bikes.

How many vegans does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to get up on his high horse and another to chastise the first about oppressing horses.

How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?

Three, one to climb the ladder, one to shake it, and one to sue the ladder company.

How many girlfriends does it take to change a light bulb?

It has to change for itself.

How many dead babies does it take to change a light bulb?

Apparently not 8

How long does it take Han Solo to screw in a light bulb?

less than twelve parsecs.

How many South Americans does it take to change a light bulb?

A Brazilian.

How many flies does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two! But don't ask me how they got inside there.

How many software developers does it take to fix a light bulb?

none, its a hardware issue.

How many Jersey girls does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. They'll screw anything

How many dead memes does it take to change a light bulb?

Over 9000.

How many children does it take to change a light bulb in America?

About 1 thousand Iraqis.

How many vegans does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Oh don't worry, they'll let you know.

How many zen buddists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One and not one.

How many blondes does it take to screw a light bulb??

Just 1...blondes will screw anything.

How many Mexicans does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Just Juan.

How many Mexicans are needed to change a light bulb?

Juan.

How many A.D.D. kids does it take to change a light bulb?

Look a squirrel!

How many Republicans does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, they're all screwed.

How many white people does it take to screw in a light bulb?

All of them. One to hold the bulb and the rest to screw the world.

How many psychologists does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but the light bulb should be willing to change.

How does a feminist screw in a light bulb?

She doesn't, she just holds it in the socket and waits for the world to revolve around her.

How many Germans does it take to screw in a light bulb?

NINE!

How many Ricks from TWD does it take to change a light bulb?

Carl gets shot in the face.

How do you change the light bulb in the dark?

You don't. The police shoot you.

How many out of date redditers does it take to change a light bulb?

OVER 9000

How many "All Lives Matter" protesters does it take to change a light bulb?

None, because they keep on asking why all of the other light bulbs in the house aren't being changed at the same time.

How many narcissists does it take to screw in a light-bulb?

One. He stands in place while the whole world revolves around him.

How many Mexicans does it take to change a light bulb?

Juan

How many Americans does it take to change a light bulb?

Just kidding, you can't change anything in the United States.

How many Libertarians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Does it even matter? We're all screwed anyway, man."

How many Mennonites does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven - one to actually change the bulb and six to complain that they liked the old one better.

How many metal heads does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Darkness foreverrrr!

How many cops do you need to change a light bulb?

None. They just shoot the room for being black. Credit: donator on some stream said the joke and just wanted to share it.

How many IT people does it take to change a light bulb?

Do you have a ticket for that?

How many Irishmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

5. 1 to screw in the light bulb, and 4 to remark on how grand the old one was.

How many physicists does it take to change a light bulb?

Two! one to change the light bulb and the other to rotate the universe!

How many buddhists does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Three - one to change it, one to not-change it and one to both change-and not-change it.

How many Roman pirates does it take to change a light bulb?

I I

How many Ukrainians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

They don't need to, they glow in the dark...

How many Bill Cosbys does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one but every time he does he causes a blackout.

How many Northern Californians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Hella

How many Steam employees does it take to change a light bulb?

Honestly Im not sure, they havent got back to me yet. It's been 3 weeks.

How many amateur masochists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only one; But it takes a WHOLE E.R. room to extract it afterwards. Double joke! "whole... hole." it's a play on words ;)

How many moths does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Just two, but how they get in there.. I don't know. (Stolen from an old Maxim in my dad's storage)

How many Australians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It doesn't matter, they all turn them the the wrong way.

How many Harvard graduates does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one. He holds up the light bulb, and the world revolves around him

How many Emos does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They prefer to cry in the dark.

How many Alzheimer's patients does it take to screw in a light bulb?

to get to the other side

How many blonde's does it take to screw In a light bulb?

3: One holds the light bulb, and the other two spin the Chair.

How many Hipsters does it take to change a light bulb?

it's this really obscure number. You've probably never even heard of it. No big deal.

How many ADD/ADHD kids does it take to change a light bulb?

Wanna go ride bikes?

How many Canadians does it take to change a light bulb?

Just two. One to politely ask and the other to politely help.

How many actors does it take to change a light bulb?

10. 1 to change it and 9 to say they could have done it better.

How many Asians does it take to change a light bulb?

2. 1 to change the light bulb, the other to take pictures.

How many kids with ADHD does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Let's go ride our bikes.

How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. They hold it in place and wait for the world to revolve around them.

How many reddit admins does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Seriously who knows? It's pitch black in here.

How many teenage mutant ninja turtules does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Five. It's a huge problem.

How many dancers does it take to change a light bulb?

Five six seven eight!

What's your favorite racial (but not racist) joke?

How many South Americans does it take to screw in a light bulb? A Brazilian!

What's the difference between a pregnant lady and a light bulb?

You can unscrew the light bulb. - Steve Martin, "My Blue Heaven"

How many blacks does it take to change a light bulb?

5/3. The same amount as for whites.

How many hippies does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Hippies don't screw in light bulbs, they screw in tents.

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