Month Jokes

What did one lesbian vampire say to the other lesbian vampire?

See you next month.

The Ultimate Dad Joke Book: 501 Hilarious Puns, Funny One Liners and Clean Cheesy Dad Jokes for Kids (Gifts for Dad)

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What do you call LeVar Burton that survived months of being lost in the wilderness?

Geordi La Forage

How long does it take for a black woman to poop?

Nine months.

What is Mr. T's favorite month?

April, fools

Which is the month in which women talk the least?

February... because it has the least number of days

What does a woman get every month that lasts 3-5 days?

Her husband's salary.

Why does Woody Harrelson's wife call him Moses?

Because he Ramparts the red sea each month

How do you get a date on Tinder?

Seriously guys, I've been trying for months so if anyone have any useful tips it would be much appreciated.

Where is Jennifer's husband?

Jennifer is 21 years older than her son Douglas. 6 years from now, Jennifer will be 5 times as old as Douglas. Question: Where is Jennifer's husband? Solution: J=D+21 J+6=5(D+6) According to my math, Douglas has 3/4 years, which means -9 months. Pregnancy lasts for nine months, so Jennifer's husband is in the bed with her right now. Sauce:

Why did the blonde get so excited after she finished her jigsaw puzzle in only six months?

Why did the blonde get so excited after she finished her jigsaw puzzle in only six months? Because on the box it said From 2 to 4 years.

How many seconds are in a year?

Only 12. One for every month.

The Big Book of Silly Jokes for Kids

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What month was King Kong born in?

Ape-ril

What's the best time of this month for vampires?

It depends on the girl

What's a holocaust denier's favorite month?

July

What do you get when Steve Jobs hires and fires a lot of people in six months?

A: An Apple turnover.

What do women and werewolves have in common?

Offensive) They both go berserk once every month.

What did the seal say to the walrus after dating him for three months?

I think we should sea otter people.

What's the difference between an orphan home and a terrorists' boot camp?

I don't know. I'm retiring next month.

What's the difference between an 18 year-old girl and a washing machine?

When you dump a load in the washer, it will not follow you around for two months.

What are a gorilla's favorite months?

Ape-ril and Bananuary

How long have I got?

Not long. Two, three months" casually places apple on desk "Ok, ok, six. Just get that out of here!"

No Pun Intended (The Last of Us Joke Books)

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How long have we had that pillow?

Wife: No idea Memory foam pillow: Two years, five months and two days

Who is a Project Manager?

Project Manager is a person who believes that 9 women can deliver a baby in one month.

Who said that just because I tried to kiss you at last month's Christmas party, you could neglect to do your work around here?

Secretary: My lawyer.

Why are YOU afraid?

Doc: I'm not Me: You said you were Doc: I lied. You got a month. HAPPY NOW

What does December have that other months dont have?

The letter D.

What is the Rebel Alliance' least favorite month?

The Imperial March.

How was your trip to Israel?

This month they had Sukkot (the festival of tabernacles) It was pretty "in tents".

What gift do you want?

HUSBAND: "An English girl." After a month, wife returns.. HUSBAND: "Where is my gift " WIFE: "Wait for nine months!"

Why do blacks make good athletes?

They spent the first nine months of their lives dodging hangers.

How can this cop expect me to show him my license when he took it away last month?

What an Idiot.

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What do you mean, ten?

Ten years Ten months Ten-" "Nine... Eight..."

When is the month when the most trees fall?

Sep-timber

What happened to Frankenstein's monster on the road?

He was stopped for speeding fined $50 and dismantled for six months.

What brings you here?

14.99 per month and a addiction to a game that's been failing since Cata

What do you have in December that you don't have in any other month ?

The letter "D" !

What about Fox News?

They haven't shown a fox in months. (Craig Ferguson)

What did the doctor say to the cancer patient?

You have tumor months to live.

What did the lesbian-vampire say to her girlfriend?

See ya next month.

Why was the blond happy she finished the jigsaw puzzle in six months?

It said 2 to 4 years on the box.

Why did the man tear a page out of the calendar?

He wanted to take a month off.

Whats the month people get most drunk in?

Febrewery

Why was Adele's phone bill $500 this month?

She must have called a 1,000 times

Why was the blonde so happy after she finished her jigsaw puzzle in only six months?

A: Because on the box it said From 2 to 4 years.

What is the date in Germany/Brasil in about a month from now?

Germany/Brasil 7-1

Why do woman make terrible truck drivers?

Because you give them one good load and it takes them nine months to deliver.

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Survive Jokes More Survive Jokes

What is the best pickup line for Rwandans?

Congratulations! Your parents survived the genocide!"

What animal can only survive in temperate climates?

A lukeworm.

Absolutely Sense Jokes More Absolutely Sense Jokes

How many of my fellow Germans does it take to change a lightbulb?

Only one of course, as we are highly efficient and have absolutely no sense of humour.

What bleeds once a month and has absolutely no sense of humor?

Me. I'm pretty clumsy so I get paper cuts pretty regularly.

9 Month Jokes More 9 Month Jokes

Why are men the best chefs?

Because with only 2 nuts, one sausage, and a little bit of milk, they can fill a woman's stomach for 9 months.

Why are men better cooks than women?

Because with a sausage, a couple of eggs, and some cream, a man can keep a woman full for 9 months.

Lesbian Vampire Jokes More Lesbian Vampire Jokes

What did one lesbian vampire say to the other lesbian vampire?

See you next month.

What did the lesbian vampire say to the other lesbian vampire?

Sametime next month? I heard this jome a while back. Sorry if its a repost

Mouth Jokes More Mouth Jokes

Why'd the hipster burn his mouth on his coffee?

Because he drank it before it was cool.

What is juicy on the inside, dry on the outside, and has "apple" in it?

A roasted baby with an apple in its mouth.

Account Jokes More Account Jokes

How can you tell vampirism is a disease?

On account of the coffin.

What did the banker say to the tongue when he rejected his loan application?

There's no accounting for taste.

Gift Jokes More Gift Jokes

What gift do you want?

HUSBAND: "An English girl." After a month, wife returns.. HUSBAND: "Where is my gift " WIFE: "Wait for nine months!"

What do you give a kid with no hands for Christmas?

Doesnt matter, he'll never unwrap the gift

Bleed Jokes More Bleed Jokes

What bleeds once a month and has absolutely no sense of humor?

Me. I'm pretty clumsy so I get paper cuts pretty regularly.

What bleeds once a month in the mouth?

Me, when I remember to floss once a month. Edit: account got hacked and showed something different. Sorry about that