Teach Jokes

How did Zarathustra introduce his peanut-based health drink?

I teach you the goober quench!"

The Book Of Terribly Awesome Dad Jokes

Paperback

What do they teach in ISIS business school?

Execution is everything.

What does Santa teach his elves?

The Elfabet!

Why do black people play basketball?

Because it teaches them how to shoot, run and steal.

What do you call a person who teaches you how to fart?

A tutor.

How do you teach your dog to roll over ?

Put him on fire.

What is the first thing they teach you at Gardening school?

WATERRR THOOOOOSSSSSEEEEE!!!!

Who invented schools and teaching?

Ed. U. Cation!

Why did the cyclops quit teaching?

He had only one pupil.

Why Mathematics make you a Terrorist?

Because they teach what is the history of Al Gebra.

What do you call a person who teaches about Drones?

Dronacharya

101 Tear-Off Lunchbox Notes with Laugh-Out-Loud Jokes for Kids, Funny Inspirational Encouragement for Kids, Space to Write Personal Message

Paperback

How does an Alcoholic teach the ABC's to their children?

Backwards.

What happens when a professor teaches for a decade?

A: He gets Tenyear.

Why did they invent the shopping cart?

To teach women to walk on their hind legs.

How did the Neanderthal dad teach his son how to wear underwear?

Color coded: "Yellow in front, brown in the back"

What do you call a person who helps teach others to fart?

A tooter. (thanks, honey)

Why did man invent the shipping cart?

To teach women how to stand on their hind legs.

What's your favorite joke appropriate for a 6-8 year old?

I am a ski instructor and I've recently been teaching these two boys who are 6 and 8 year old brothers. I realized today that I know zero jokes appropriate enough or funny to this demographic. I feel like they think I am super boring. Give me some help to make the chairlift more exciting!!

Why did the hippy teach the lumberjack calculus?

So he'd use natural logs!

What did Star Trek teach millions of kids?

To boldly split infinitives!

Why wouldn't you teach a woman how to ski?

Because there's no snow between the kitchen and the bedroom..

Star Wars: Dad Jokes: The Best Worst Jokes and Puns from a Galaxy Far, Far Away . . . .

Hardcover

What do you need to teach a blonde who never had an accident in 20 years?

Second gear.

Why do turkeys always gobble?

Why do turkeys always gobble? They havent been taught good table manners!

What is the formula for water?

Student: H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O. Teacher: That's not what I taught you. Student: But you said the formula for water was...H to O.

What did you learn in school today Son: How to write Mother: What did you write?

Son: I don't know they haven't taught us how to read yet!

Why did God invent shopping carts?

To teach women how to walk on their hind legs.

Why did the nurse always insist on using the rectal thermometer to obtain temperatures?

Because nurses are taught in nursing school to always look for her patient's best side.

What about breakfast teaches us the difference between "interested" and "committed"?

In a ham and egg sandwich, the chicken had an interest, but the pig is committed.

What do you call the grounds of a university that specializes in teaching neuroscience to hippopotamuses?

Hippocampus!

What do you call it when your child teaches you something they are interested in?

A: Learning from your mistakes.

Who teaches you how to fart?

A tutor :)

The Big Book of Silly Jokes for Kids

Paperback

What do you call parents who teach abstinence only?

Grandma and grandpa.

What do Hispanic parents say to teach their son to drive?

Jesus, take the wheel!

Why didn't Anna and Elsa's parents teach them the alphabet?

Because they got lost at C.

How many beers did you have while I was gone?

Me: Two. 4-year-old: It was nine. Teaching her to count was a mistake.

What did Obe Wan say to Skywalker when he was teaching him table manners?

Use the forks Luke.

What dance did the Rastafarian teach Ash Ketchum?

Dah okey pokey mon.

Why can't Snape teach Herbology?

A. He can't keep the lilies alive.

Why was Albert Einstein's dad afraid to teach him vowels?

Because everytime he tried, he kept owing his son money!

What does an unfunny person tell a salad?

Teach me senpai!

Why do blacks raise chickens?

To teach their kids how to walk.

How to teach a cat how to bark?

Pour some gasoline on it and WOOF!

How do Alabama parents teach their kids to put on their underwear?

Yellow in the front, brown in the back.

What did Kurtis Blow tell his son when teaching him how to drive?

THESE are the brakes!

How many lost cats walk by the telephone pole with their missing flier on it?

Just another reason to teach your cat to read.

What do you get when you teach Android grammar?

A droid

What do you call a person who teaches you the art of farting?

A tooter

What's the hardest part of making chicken fried steak?

Teaching the chicken to cook

What did Walter White teach?

Advanced methematics.

Who are you and how do you get the time and money?

Teach me.

What should you know before you teach your dog a new trick?

You should know more than your dog.

What do you call people who teach their kids to use abstinence as birth control?

Grandparents.

How do you teach a girl math?

Subtract her clothes, divide her legs, give her a square root and watch her multiply.

Why do you love your puppy more than you love your wife?

Because the puppy only knows the tricks you taught her

Why does Snape teach options and not herbology?

His lily died

Why is it best to teach physics on the edge of a cliff?

Original joke) Because that's where students have the most potential.

What did the lions say to his cubs when he taught them to hunt ?

Don't go over the road till you see the zebra crossing.'

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Tutor Jokes More Tutor Jokes

Who teaches you how to fart?

A tutor :)

What do you call a person who teaches you how to fart?

A tutor.

Shoot Jokes More Shoot Jokes

Who Shot JR ?

by U Dunnit

What happened when the Malaysian asked the Russian out on a date?

He got shot down.

Ed Jokes More Ed Jokes

Who invented schools and teaching?

Ed. U. Cation!

Why was Ed single?

Because Sheeran away.

Al Gebra Jokes More Al Gebra Jokes

What do you call a group of fundamentalist mathematicians?

Al-Gebra

Why Mathematics make you a Terrorist?

Because they teach what is the history of Al Gebra.

Walk Jokes More Walk Jokes

Why do businessmen carry umbrellas?

Because umbrellas can't walk.

Why did Jesus have to walk everywhere?

He drove a Ford.

Elfabet Jokes More Elfabet Jokes

What do Santa's little helpers learn in school?

The Elfabet!

What does Santa teach his elves?

The Elfabet!

Steal Jokes More Steal Jokes

Why do black people like basketball?

Because it invovles running, shooting, and stealing.

What do you call a guy that hates Christmas and steals the woman you love?

Ebenezer Scrooge-yagirl

Fire Jokes More Fire Jokes

What did Water say to Fire when they met for the first time?

Shhhhhhh.

How do you advertise a French rifle?

Never fired, dropped once.