Why don't you talk to John anymore, you used to be best friends?

Son: Well, would you be friends with someone who was stupid, took drugs and was drunk all the time? Mom: No, Never! Son: Well neither would he!

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Use Jokes More Use Jokes

Why did the internet pirate get scurvy?

He couldn't use Lime Wire anymore.

What do you call it when you go to the store just to use their dumbbells and then leave?

Shoplifting

Talk Jokes More Talk Jokes

Why do trash pandas always get into a fight?

They trash talk.

How many didn't?

Ten. (Shame this one doesn't work too well for reddit - the funniest part of this joke is the third punchline enjoying people struggle to understand what the hell you're talking about.)

Drug Jokes More Drug Jokes

What do you call a duck that does drugs?

A quack head!

Where does the Lego man get his drugs?

His K'Nex!

Mom Jokes More Mom Jokes

Why did the guy that owned a chocolate building bang his mom?

Because he had an edible complex.

What do Jesus and your mom have in common?

They both got nailed all night.

Friend Jokes More Friend Jokes

What language do pirates speak?

Arrrrrrabic! A friend and I were extremely high and he thought of this.Good times.

What does an egg say when he gets turnt?

Om lit cred: my friend DaMexicanBurrito from playstation.

Son Jokes More Son Jokes

What was the last thing Daedalus said to Icarus?

You've got a lot of potential, son."

How'd you sleep last night?

Son says: "umm... With my eyes closed " Edit: This actually happened btw. Probably funnier irl.

John Jokes More John Jokes

Whats with the wheel on your john?

the pirate replied, "Arrg it's driving me nuts!"

Whats in Olivia Newton's John?

Gomer's Pile

Good Friend Jokes More Good Friend Jokes

Why does Bernie know he'll win the elections?

Because his good friend Nostradamus told him he would.

How much for the best friend?

Manager : Sir, we've been through this, our cashiers aren't for sale.