Guy Jokes

At an Australian parliament meeting, two guys were shouting back and forth and one said: "I am a country member!" and the other said: "Oh, I remember!"

What did the shooting range instructor say to the guy in a wheelchair?

Parachute

Why can't an IT guy be a doctor?

Nurse: Doctor, the patient's life support is acting strange. . . Doctor: Have you tried turning it off and on again?

What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs on your front porch?

Matt. Others:

Why are sewer covers called manholes?

If they were called womanholes, guys would keep trying to get in.

What did the guy on LSD say while driving on the highway?

Woah, the traffic is moving.

What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in a pile of leaves?

Russel

Why does noone listen ever to the guy who talks with his mouth full?

He is so misunderstood.

What do you have left after you burn a French alphabet?

H Edit: I don't like explaining jokes but since the first guy didn't get I might as well: When pronounced in a French accent it sounds like ash.

How will an IT guy fix a lamp?

He'll restart the nuclear power plant

What did they give the guy who invented the doorknocker?

A no-bell prize

Who has one thumb and survived a band saw accident?

This guy!!!

What do a burnt pizza and a pregnant woman have in common?

The guy didn't pull it out fast enough!

Why doesn't the guy with OCD ever get laid?

Because when he turns his girlfriend on he has to turn her off again three times.

What did they say about the guy who woke up and jerked off on his alarm clock every day?

He always came on time.

What does the guy who has been backpacking just a bit too long miss most about home ?

A home-cooked shower.

What do you call an Asian man blowing another guy?

A Brojob.

How many of you guys experienced this?

Damn! I don't have spare keys either.

Why are so many guys mean to their girl friends ?

Because of the .

What do you call a guy with no hair named Gary?

Garibaldi

Why can't guys do the splits?

The banana gets in the way. Banana split

Why was the guy wearing the fedora upset?

Because you didn't ask him what band he's in.

How do you stop a North Korean tank?

Shoot the guy driving the cardboard box.

What do you call the guy who envies his friend's gelatin?

Jello-us

Why is Windows going from 8 to 10?

Because 7 ate 9. Credit to a guy I work with.

What do you call a guy who plays Fallout?

A Fall Out Boy.

What happened to the guy who grabbed the Viagra instead of the Allegra?

he had a hard time with his allergies

This joke may have profanity.

How do you stop a mexican tank?

You shoot the guy pushing it.

What do you call a guy in a lot of debt?

Owen.

Why did the coach prohibit the blonde from giving any bj's to the team?

The guys complained about the blow-dryer being too hot ...

What do you call a guy who's into beastiality?

Someone who really gets his head into the game.

This joke may have profanity.

How do you castrate a guy from Kentucky?

Kick his sister in the jaw.

Why should I shave my downstairs?

Guy: Because I don't like hair in my food.

What do you call a guy who makes "women in the kitchen" jokes?

Single.

What did the guy who liked mustard say when he opened his fridge and saw no mustard?

You mustard be joking!

How many IT guys does it take to Fix a printer?

Three, one suggests to check if it is plug in, another recommends to reboot the printer, and finally one to check to see if the printer had paper and laugh about how easy the solution was.

What do you call a guy with no body and no nose?

Nobody knows

Why did the guy get aroused by the highway?

Because there were lots of turn ons.

How many ways are there to please a guy?

Three way.

What is the difference?

What its the difference between a quarter and a guy? Neither gets had when you want tail

How do you leave a bunch of idiots in suspense?

I'll tell you guys tomorrow

What do you call a nice guy with hemorrhoids?

A stand up guy

What is a guy with ED favorite saying?

I'm going to PUMP YOU UP!

Why was my boss surprised to see me screwing with the IT guy?

They said IT couldn't be done

What are some good Asian jokes you know?

I read some jokes from this sub to my Asian co-worker and she wanted me to ask if you guys have some good Asian jokes to help us get through the rest of the work day.

What do you call two guys with no arms or legs hanging from a window?

Curt and Rod

Why didn't the art thief get away?

Because he didn't have to Monet to pay the Guy to make the Van Gogh.

How many guys in the friend zone does it take to light a light bulb?

None, they just stand around complimenting it, and get mad when it won't screw.

What do you call a guy that hates Christmas and steals the woman you love?

Ebenezer Scrooge-yagirl

What do you call a guy with no arms and not legs laying on a porch?

Matt

What do you call a guy who plays the guitar unplugged?

An amputee

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