Hit Jokes

Why did Sally fall off the swing? Because she didn't have any arms. Knock Knock. Who's there? Definitely not Sally. Why did Jimmy drop his ice cream? He was hit by a truck Why didn't the truck turn out of the way? Sally Was driving

How do you discipline your pet rock?

You hit rock bottom!

Why did the baby drop its rattle?

It got hit by a truck

The Best Worst Dad Jokes: All the Puns, Quips, and Wisecracks You Need to Torment Your Kids

4.8

Kindle

Available on

What's the difference between Elton John's chin and Tiger Woods?

Tiger Woods hasn't hit as many balls.

Why did the baby cross the road?

It didn't hit the car's windshield.

What is Apple's favorite song?

Hit the Road Jack"

What do you call two homeless people hitting each other with garbage bags?

A Pillow Fight

What's hit more balls than David Beckham's right foot?

Elton John's chin.

Why are asteroids so strong when they hit the planet?

Because they take a steroid.

What do you get when you cross a busy road with a broken leg and a blindfold?

Hit.

How do you stop a lawyer from drowning?

Shoot before he hits the water.

What do people and trees have in common?

They both fall down when you hit them with an axe.

What hits the ground first?

The apple because the black man was stopped by a noose.

4.7

Ceramic

Available on

Who hits the ground first?

Better question would be: Why were they in the tree in the first place?

What do you get when you cross a motorcycle and a truck?

hit by a car.

What has two legs and bleeds?

Half of your dog...I hit it with my car.

What's the worst thing you can do when posting a joke?

Accidentally hit submit before you

Why couldn't the rocketeer hit her target?

Because they were too Phar-ah way. I'm not sorry.

What did the man say after he was hit by the car?

Nothing. He was dead.

Why are ships' portholes round?

So that if they break, water doesn't hit you square in the face.

What do you call two hobos hitting each other with cardboard?

Pillow fight

What's the difference between a masochist and a blogger?

There's none, both live for the hits.

What did the homeless men yell when they hit each other with cardboard?

Pillow fight!

4.7

Paperback

Available on

Why did the boy drip his ice cream?

He got hit by a bus.

What's addicting?

The sound an erection makes when it hits a cymbal.

What's the difference between LSD and my dad?

LSD doesn't need to be drunk to hit me.

What did the cat say to the human after being hit with a baseball bat?

Nothing. Cats don't freaking talk.

What do you call it when someone gets hit by a bus on his way to pay off his student loans?

Crippling debt! It's funny because he can't walk anymore!

What goes faster from 100 to 0, an asteroid hitting the Earth or this thread's upvote %?

Berni Sanders seems to have been like a bad gift: it's the thought that counts. 80% voted against him in SC, he will be destroyed tomorrow, and estimates show he won't even get half of the delegates Hillary will. Furthermore, even if he were to magically win, the House, Senate and Supreme Court would block his most drastic ideas, making it them simply "food for thought" but not actual thoughts for implementation. Thank you very much.

What do a cue ball and a mexican have in common?

The harder you hit them, the more English you get out of them.

Why can't white people hit the whip?

Because slavery is over

How do you keep a clown from laughing?

Hit him in the face with an axe.

What do the lady reindeer do on Christmas eve?

They hit the town and blow a few bucks.

What does it mean if holy water sizzles when it hits your skin?

I'm just asking for a friend)

What do you call a hippopotamus that's a gigalo?

A hit-the-spotimus.

How do you get a clown off a swing?

hit him in the face with an Axe

What does Joaquin Phoenix say when a car almost hits him?

Hey! I'm Joaquin here!

What's the difference between fog and mist?

If you hit it its fog, if you don't it's mist.

What do you call a former CIA agent when a winter storm hits?

Snowed-in

Why did the Chemist give up a singing career?

He could not hit any of the ketones.

What happened when the 26th letter of the alphabet hit puberty?

She got a Zebra.

Why did the boy drop his Ice Cream?

A: He was hit by a bus

What did the umpire say when Randy Johnson hit a bird with his pitch?

Fowl ball.

What's black and white and red allover?

My dalmatian after being hit by a car

Why didn't Harry Potter want to date Hermione?

Because he likes to Hit it and Quidditch

What do you call an Asian person that is hit by a car?

Hood orient

What do you do when you hear a woman got hit by a car?

Wonder how the hell a car got into the kitchen

What do you call two homeless people hitting each other with cardboard?

Pillow fight.

What's the difference between a watermelon and a baby?

One is fun to hit with a sledgehammer, the other one is a watermelon.

How can you tell if she is virgin or not?

Paddy was planning to get married and asked his doctor how he could tell if his bride is a virgin. The doctor said, Well, you need three things from a do it yourself shop. A can of red paint, a can of blue paint and a shovel. Paddy asked, And what do I do with these, doc? The doctor replied, Before the wedding night, you paint one of your testicles red and the other one blue. If she says, Thats the strangest pair of balls I ever saw., you hit her with the shovel.

How many Mexicans does it take to wax a car?

1 if you hit him just right

Where was the pirate when he was hit in the crotch?

Menard's!

Why do people hit things (ex. TV, computer, etc.) when they don't work?

Well, it worked with the slaves.

What happens when you get hit by a rental car?

It Hertz.

Why did Johnny drop his ice cream?

Because he got hit by a truck!

Why did Sally drop her ice cream while crossing the street?

She got hit by a Bus.

Why did the car swerve off the road?

It hit the chicken. Bazing!

Why are highly successful people named Mark always so depressed?

Because they can't stop hitting themselves. This joke came to me while I was half asleep this morning. I'm not sure how original it is. I probably heard some variation of it somewhere and have just forgotten. Any suggestions for improving it?

Where did Little Suzie go when the bomb hit?

Everywhere.

Why did the WTC get hit by Terrorist?

They didn't get hit by Terrorists.

What's the first rule for hitting on girls?

Hit them where it won't show.

What's the difference between Ray Charles and Ray Rice?

Ray Charles wasn't a one-hit wonder.

What did the fish say when he hit concrete?

Dam(n).

What did the poop say to the pee when he was hitting on her?

I may be a two but your an eight..

Why did the pilot hit the Alps?

To get to the other side.

What does a fish say when he hits concrete?

Dam! A customer told me that joke, equipped with an " old guys rule" shirt and a hardy fist bump.

What do you call an arcade game that involves you hitting avocados that pop out of the top of it?

Guac-A-Mole.

Why did the kid drop his ice cream?

Because the bus hit him.

Why do black people get hit by cars more during winter time?

Because they're easier to spot

What is the worst thing about getting hit in the face with PI?

It never ends.

What did the cow say when she got hit by a car?

Moo." What did the cow saw when she fell into a ditch? "Moo." What did the cow say when she fell onto the electric fence? "Moo." What did the cow say when she got hit by a train? "Why does everything always happen to meeee?" Protip: My dad wrote this joke for me when I was six.

You might also enjoy:

Christmas Jokes More Christmas Jokes