What goes faster from 100 to 0, an asteroid hitting the Earth or this thread's upvote %?

Berni Sanders seems to have been like a bad gift: it's the thought that counts. 80% voted against him in SC, he will be destroyed tomorrow, and estimates show he won't even get half of the delegates Hillary will. Furthermore, even if he were to magically win, the House, Senate and Supreme Court would block his most drastic ideas, making it them simply "food for thought" but not actual thoughts for implementation. Thank you very much.

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Think Jokes More Think Jokes

How do I know you're not a cop -If I was a cop would I do this?

Starts breakdancing* Thats not as much proof as you think it is

What can strike a blonde without her even knowing it?

A thought.

Thank Jokes More Thank Jokes

What do cannibal say when they say grace?

We thank you Lord for our daily dead!

Why don't north Koreans listen to funk?

Cos they've got no Seoul! Thank you very much.

House Jokes More House Jokes

Whatya doin?

Me: I fixed the toilet so I'm adding Potty Fixer to my resume W: You mean Plumber M: DO I LOOK LIKE A HOUSE SCIENTIST

What do you call a house that changes every month?

A Werehouse.

Earth Jokes More Earth Jokes

What's the most dishonest place on earth?

The Library

What is the only thing on earth that goes "ha ha" on a Monday?

A bit late, but.... A blonde who heard a joke on Friday.

Win Jokes More Win Jokes

What do you call an aardvark that's just won a fight?

A well 'aardvark!

How did Gertie Gorilla win the beauty contest?

She was the beast of the show!

Supreme Court Jokes More Supreme Court Jokes

Why was the hamster a bad Supreme Court Justice?

Because his mind was always on a pellet.

What if George Lucas was the new Supreme Court justice?

Lucas gets indicted after video surfaces of him tampering with previous decisions he made.

0 Jokes More 0 Jokes

What's the difference between a $20 steak and a $55 steak?

February 14th.

What did the 0 say to the 8?

Nice belt.

Hit Jokes More Hit Jokes

What did the fish say when it hit the wall?

Dam.

What do you call a bunch of pro wrestlers hitting each other with blocks of cheddar and wheels of gouda?

Battle Royale with cheese.

Count Jokes More Count Jokes

Why does VALVE end with 2?

Because they can't count to

How do I love thee?

Let me count the ways... Five.

Hillary Jokes More Hillary Jokes

Why did vatican invite Bernie not Hillary?

They couldn't afford it.

What do you call a Hillary supporter?

A journalist.

Block Jokes More Block Jokes

Why was the Lego boxer unmatched in the ring?

He was a master of blocking attacks.

What do you tell a cow blocking a road?

Mooove

Tomorrow Jokes More Tomorrow Jokes

What day of the week did the 1st calendar day ever fall on?

Do the math! Me: Seriously ! It's 2AM and I'm leading a meeting tomorrow

What did the lumberjack say when his colleague went home sick?

Hope you fell better tomorrow.

Half Jokes More Half Jokes

What can a whole apple do that half an apple can't do?

It can look round.

What do you do when you see an enemy with half a face?

Reload and shoot again!

Vote Jokes More Vote Jokes

Who did Alaska vote for?

Berrrnie Sanders H/T: wife

What do a bucket and a woman have in common?

Before 1928, neither could vote.

80 Jokes More 80 Jokes

What did pirate say when he turned 80?

AYE MATEY

What is the favorite number of french potheads?

80

Estimate Jokes More Estimate Jokes

What goes faster from 100 to 0, an asteroid hitting the Earth or this thread's upvote %?

Berni Sanders seems to have been like a bad gift: it's the thought that counts. 80% voted against him in SC, he will be destroyed tomorrow, and estimates show he won't even get half of the delegates Hillary will. Furthermore, even if he were to magically win, the House, Senate and Supreme Court would block his most drastic ideas, making it them simply "food for thought" but not actual thoughts for implementation. Thank you very much.

Why do Asian people never seem to age?

I met a chinese girl today & I estimate her age to be somewhere between 4 & 197.

100 Jokes More 100 Jokes

How many blondes does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

1 to hold the bulb in place and 100 to spin the house around it.

What was the victim of the car crash wearing?

A Casualty (Casual-Tee, as in Tee-Shirt) 100% Guraneed Originality You can know for sure I made it up because of how corny it is...

Destroy Jokes More Destroy Jokes

Why do Japanese people look so serious in pictures?

Last time they saw a flash it destroyed their country

How do you destroy an empire?

Brexit.

Senate Jokes More Senate Jokes

How do you persuade the US Senate to regulate the laws on guns?

Put them inside a woman's body.

What goes faster from 100 to 0, an asteroid hitting the Earth or this thread's upvote %?

Berni Sanders seems to have been like a bad gift: it's the thought that counts. 80% voted against him in SC, he will be destroyed tomorrow, and estimates show he won't even get half of the delegates Hillary will. Furthermore, even if he were to magically win, the House, Senate and Supreme Court would block his most drastic ideas, making it them simply "food for thought" but not actual thoughts for implementation. Thank you very much.

Bad Gift Jokes More Bad Gift Jokes

What's the worst gift to give to an anti-vaxxer?

Blankets.

What goes faster from 100 to 0, an asteroid hitting the Earth or this thread's upvote %?

Berni Sanders seems to have been like a bad gift: it's the thought that counts. 80% voted against him in SC, he will be destroyed tomorrow, and estimates show he won't even get half of the delegates Hillary will. Furthermore, even if he were to magically win, the House, Senate and Supreme Court would block his most drastic ideas, making it them simply "food for thought" but not actual thoughts for implementation. Thank you very much.

Delegate Jokes More Delegate Jokes

Why are there no American flags at the DNC?

Because the delegates were standing on them.

What goes faster from 100 to 0, an asteroid hitting the Earth or this thread's upvote %?

Berni Sanders seems to have been like a bad gift: it's the thought that counts. 80% voted against him in SC, he will be destroyed tomorrow, and estimates show he won't even get half of the delegates Hillary will. Furthermore, even if he were to magically win, the House, Senate and Supreme Court would block his most drastic ideas, making it them simply "food for thought" but not actual thoughts for implementation. Thank you very much.