Laugh Jokes

Because they're always dead tired. I stole this from plain and simple. Just straight up stole it. Why? Because it made me laugh and I didn't see it posted here before.

How many IT guys does it take to Fix a printer?

Three, one suggests to check if it is plug in, another recommends to reboot the printer, and finally one to check to see if the printer had paper and laugh about how easy the solution was.

How many tickles does it take to make a squid laugh?

Ten-tickles

What is the best offensive joke you have? Can you make me laugh?

Read all the other threads. I need new content. The old stuff is getting, well old. Here's my contribution. Have you head of the new drinking game? The mike brown special: stand there and take 12 shots. What's the difference between mike brown and a college kid? College kids can handle more shots before they fall down.

What do you call a Chinese guy when he's laughing?

Lmao

What did the noble gas sound like when he laughed?

He He He

What do you call a laughing mayonnaise?

lmayo ahh

How many tickles does it take for an octopus to laugh?

Tentickles.

Why did Joan Rivers die during throat surgery?

Q: Why did Joan Rivers die during throat surgery? A: Because her career as a comic was stuck, but no matter how he tried, the Dr. couldn't pull a laugh out of her.

How many times do you have to tickle a squid to make it laugh?

ten tickles

How do u get a pool table to laugh?

tickle its balls.

Why do Gypsy's walk funny?

Because of their Crystal Balls EDIT: I'm not sure if anyone's posted this before my mum's sister emailed her from across the globe.(New Zealand) I laughed so hard I thought I'd put it here. Credit goes to my Mum's sister though.

What's a funny non-racist joke a Polish person would laugh at?

Just trying to make a Polish girl I like laugh

Whats the difference between man united and a clown?

ones a complete laughing stock and the other ones a clown.

What does it take to make a squid laugh?

Ten tickles.

What's your funniest yet least known joke?

I have a friend that absolutely loves cheesy, question and answer jokes and I wanna make a card with a list of them! The problem is that she knows just about every joke known to man so I challenge you to give me hilarious, short jokes that aren't very widely known. Make me laugh!

Why did the bacon laugh?

Because the egg cracked a yolk.

Why should you never laugh at thieves in a car-accident?

It could be your car

What do you call a fruit that makes fun of someone?

A banana-nana-nana Got it on a popsicle stick. Laughed for way too long.

Why shouldn't you laugh when a black man falls off his bike?

It could be your bike. EDIT: Spelling.

Who laughs the last?

The one who you have to explain the joke to.

How do you know if a Muslim is laughing online?

He types, "HALOL"

What happened when the lepers played poker?

One guy threw down his hand and another laughed his head off. This was my best friend's favorite joke when she was little apparently.

How did the sad clown smile and laugh again?

They told him his wife died recently.

Why are atoms so serious?

Because they're no laughing matter.

What do you call corn with a sense of humor?

Laughing stalk

What the sound of a rainbow laughing?

Hue hue hue hue

What happens to a laffy taffy joke in the rain?

It makes me laugh a little bit, in the rain.

Why was the cowboy a lot of laughs?

He was always horsing around.

How many women have you slept with?

she asked. I said, "Do you want me to round it to the nearest ten " "Oh, I say. Go on then." she laughed. I said, "0."

How did Paul, the octopus, originally die?

Torres went and asked Paul proudly, "How many goals will I end up with after thia this World Cup " Paul died laughing.

What goes "ha ha, thump thump?

A guy laughing his balls off.

Why do Stormtroopers never laugh?

Because they always miss the joke

Who else is watching and laughing their a$$ off?

Turns out Martha Stewart is a boss

What goes "Hahahahaha...thud"?

Someone laughing their head off

Why do blind people always laugh at jokes?

Same as why they don't drive. They never see it comming.

How does an octopus make you laugh?

With ten-tickles

What website are the germans least likely to laugh at?

Neingag.

What are your symptoms?

I can't laugh and I can't sing. I'm finding it hard to do anything!"

Why didn't the cashier laugh at my joke?

It didn't make cents

Why did the man hit the fortune teller when she started laughing?

A: He was striking a happy medium.

Why does nobody laugh at zombie-Peter Pan's jokes?

He always tells them with a dead Pan face.

Whats the difference between me and Jimmy Fallon?

I can get through his opening monologue without laughing

Why did the family not laugh at the Obstetrician's joke?

Because he screwed up the delivery...

How do normal people vs feminists laugh?

Normal People: HeHeHe... Feminist: SheSheShe..

Why were you driving around in circles and laughing?

Motorist: I thought I was on a merry-go-round.

Why are you just telling me now?

He said, Because I couldn't stop laughing.

What do you call cattle with a sense of humor?

A: Laughing stock.

How do you make God laugh?

Tell him your plans.

How many walruses does it take to make a sandwich?

Don't be silly, walruses don't make sandwiches; women make sandwiches. Made this up to bug my sister. It worked. Her husband laughed.

What does a neckbeard say when make him laugh?

You made m'laugh.

What does /r/funny and /r/jokes have in common?

I laugh at neither of them.

What's an Alzheimer patient's favorite horror movie?

The Blair...Which project Made my roomie laugh at least

How do you stop a clown from laughing?

Hit it in the face with an axe.

What do you call a laughing motorcycle?

A: A Yamahahaha

What do you call a peanut with a cold?

Cashew! she was so proud of herself for making me laugh with this one.

How can you tell which end of a worm is which ?

Tickle it in the middle and see which end laughs !

Why are you laughing?

My dentist just pulled one of my teeth out. I don't see much to laugh about in that. But it was the wrong one!

What is one of the funniest simple joke you have ever heard?

Literally... made you die laughing e.g. Why did the monkey fall of the tree bc it died e.g. How do you keep an idiot in suspense

What's it called when you poke a Scantron to make it laugh?

A test tickle.

What's the difference between my face and my jokes?

People laugh at my face.

What did they sew you up with?

My Dad laughing so hard - as he said "That's not funny!" Cat Gut

What's black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white?

A Penguin rolling down a hill What's black and white and laughing The penguin who pushed him

What goes ha, ha, ha, clunk?

A man laughing his head off.

Why did God invent economists?

So accountants could have someone to laugh at.

How was school?

4: Trenton said his dad likes to go outside and fight lions - laughs - oh honey - nobody would name their kid Trenton

Why was everyone laughing at the sculptor?

He was making a funny face

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What do you call a girl who expects a guy to do everything for her, make all the first moves, and text her first every day?

SINGLE

Laugh Jokes

What's yellow and black and makes you laugh?

Why do I not laugh at your jokes anymore?

Why do people at work always laugh at my jokes?

How do chinese people laugh over the internet?

Why was the 6 afraid of 7?

What does it sound like when Java laughs?

How do Muslims laugh?

What's the difference between a political speech and a stand-up comic show?

What happened to the joke that insulted the mods?

What's the difference between a tribal tattoo and /r/jokes?

Why can't your jokes ever make NRA members laugh?

What did the feminist say when she saw a guy laughing at her picture on the Internet?

What do you call a happy cow?

What do you call a laughing labradoodle?

Why did Leonardo Di Caprio laugh at the Oscar joke?

Why did Leonardo Take forever to laugh at my Oscars joke?

Why didn't DiCaprio laugh at Oscar joke?

How do you keep a clown from laughing?

What was Rudolph's nickname?

What did the orphan say when the orphanage burned down?

How many tickles does it take to get an octopus to laugh?

What do you get if you turn an evil laugh backwards?

Why does Bob Seger always laugh when he plays chess?

Why did the Chihuahua laugh?

What does a television have in common with a rabbit?

What happens to Stephen Hawking when he stops laughing?

What if they had a call center where they call you everyday with a mission to make you laugh?

How many tickles does it take to make a japanese girl laugh?

How do you spell "laughing out loud" by using binary?

Why does a German always have the last laugh?

What's a laughing condiment?

What's the difference between a Lamborghini and a pile of dead babies?

Why do the ghosts never win races?