Scientist Jokes

It is not like that anywhere else. It is not like people studying science claim that they are already scientists. Or people studying the arts say they are unemployed.

How many scientists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Answer: I don't know, I'm no scientist

What did the scientist see when he looked up his family tree?

A gorilla pooped on his face.

What did the scientist say at the bar?

I'd like some H20 please.

How did Chernobyl disaster happen ?

scientist A : Are you sure ? scientist B : Trust me, I know what i'm doing.

What did the scientist say before he died by mixing Hydroxide and Nitrate?

OH NO !"

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How do scientists celebrate Pirate Day?

They get their Aaargh-On!

Why do scientists call Helium , Barium and Curium the medical elements?

Because if you can't Helium or Curium , You'd Barium!

What's the difference between a plumber and a scientist?

Pronounce this word: unionized

Why did the scientist take off his doorbell?

because he wanted to win the "Nobel" prize!

What do you call a pickle sandwich that's a scientist?

Dill Rye

Why did the scientist install a knocker on his door?

He wanted to win the No Bell Prize.

What did the scientists say when they found bones on the moon?

the cow didn't make it.

How many scientists does it take to change a lightbulb?

None, that's what interns are for.

What'd the scientist say to the man who was frozen to absolute zero?

Are you 0K

What do you do when a scientist dies?

You barium! ba-dum-tss

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Why hasn't a phone that charges itself just by scrolling the screen ever been invented?

What are our scientists doing

What did the scientist say when he found two isotopes of Helium?

HeHe

How many scientists it takes to change a lightbulb?

None *et al.*

Why do scientists call helium , curium and barium the medical elements?

Because, if you can't helium or curium , you'd barium!

What did the scientist say after discovering the medicinal content of homeopathic remedies ?

0mg !!!!

What do you call a scientist that measures things in space?

A cosmetrologist.

How does a scientist make a hormone?

The same way I do: don't pay her!

Why didn't the scientist tell his colleague the t-value of a test with 21 degrees of freedom and a p-value of 5%?

It was a t-crit! Thank you and goodnight!

Where would you find the scientist who loved to f$k dogs?

In the lab.

What does the scientist say when asked if Invisibility Cloak will be applicated by the military?

Yes, but you won't see it any time soon.

Why do scientists look for things twice?

A: Because they research everything.

How did the scientist like his guacamole?

With lots of Avogadro!

How many scientists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Significantly more than zero, *p* < .001.

What did the scientist who got attacked by sodium chloride say?

That's a salt!

Why was there thunder and lightning in the lab?

The scientists were brainstorming.

How do you tell the difference between a scientist and a plumber?

Ask them to pronounce unionized.

Why should you pay scientists with $50 bills?

They're always looking for Grant money.

What did the scientist say after attacking his colleague with sodium chloride?

That's a salt!

Why did a scientist disconnect his doorbell?

because he wanted to win the No-bell prize!! Sorry, I ll walk out

Why was the scientist allowed to use dolphins for his experiments?

Because they were for test porpoise only

What do scientists solve?

Che-mysteries!

Why are quantum physicists the kinkiest of all scientists?

They have the ability to penetrate both holes at the same time. explanation(http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Double-slitexperiment)

Did you hear about the scientist who was lab partners with a pot of boiling water?

He had a very esteemed colleague.

How does a scientist freshen their breath?

With experi-mints!

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How many Mexicans does it take to change a light bulb?

Juan

How many people from the future does it take to change a light bulb?

The lightbulb works fine...

Fail Jokes More Fail Jokes

Why did the hipster fail making ice cubes for his bourbon?

Because he pulled out the tray before it was cool

Why did the privileged white guy fail his algebra test?

He didn't know enough about inequalities

Soldier Jokes More Soldier Jokes

What's the scariest 3 letter acronym for a soldier in Afghanistan with a 15 year old daughter at home?

IUD

What's the difference between a soldier and a sailor?

Ever tried dipping a sailor in a boiled egg?

Marine Biologist Jokes More Marine Biologist Jokes

Why did the marine biologist jump off a bridge?

He lost his porpoise in life.

What did the Marine Biologist say when he saw two eels making love?

It's a Moray."

Trust Jokes More Trust Jokes

Why are atoms untrustworthy?

They make up everything. Credit to from an askreddit thread about what not to trust.

Why should you never trust atoms?

They make up everything.

Light Bulb Jokes More Light Bulb Jokes

How many Borg does it take to change a light bulb?

All of them.

How many dead memes does it take to change a light bulb?

Over 9000.

Answer Jokes More Answer Jokes

How long does a United States Congressman serve?

ANSWER: Until he gets caught.

What do you get when you cross a garden, a rabbit, and some ExLax?

For the love of everything sacred on reddit please do not make me actually key the answer....okay, let's say it together, "Salad Shooter".

Photon Jokes More Photon Jokes

How is it that photons travel so fast?

They are light.

Why didn't the Photon have any luggage on the plane?

He was Travelling Light