Crime Jokes

Why's it so hard for blind people to commit crimes?

Because they can't see.

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What do you call a scam artist who uses his vocabulary to commit crimes?

A LexiCon

What do you call a drunk who happens upon the scene of a crime?

an innocent bystumbler

How does a pregnant black woman fight crime?

Abortion

This joke may have profanity.

Why do rappers always get arrested?

Because he who did the rhyme did the crime

What did the cat say when it was wrongfully accused of a crime and sent behind bars?

Let Meowt!!!!"

What crime is he accused of?

Vesicular Basalt

Why did two owls get arrested for the same crime?

They were in ca .

How does a black woman fight crime?

By having an abortion

This joke may have profanity.

What happens after an alligator commits a crime?

You call an investigator

What do you call an elite team of crime solving tree surgeons?

Special branch.

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What do you call a midget psychic committing a crime?

Small medium at large.

What is black and in jail?

A black man who committed a crime.

How does a black woman stop crime?

She gets an abortion.

This joke may have profanity.

How did the private eye use math to find the intent of the crime?

He solved for y! Thought this one up myself and thought it was post worthy

Where does light go when it is convicted of a crime?

Prism

What does Spiderman do when he's not fighting crime?

Web Development.

Why did the crazy Mexican conductor get convicted for a crime?

because he had Loco-Motive.

What happened to the thick yellow liquid that committed a crime?

It was taken into custardy.

What's dark, and usually involved in crime?

A balaclava.

How do you figure out if Will Smith committed a crime?

Dust for Fresh Prints! (i this version better than any snowstorm b.s.)

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What do you call a dead baby ,who fights crime?

Miscarriage of Justice

What do you call someone who finishes a sentence with you?

Partner in crime.

How do they prevent crime in hamburger country?

With burger alarms!

What did the mayor of dinosaur town say when crime increased by 50%?

This calls for Jurastic changes

Why is Xena never charged with any crime?

Because she's Lucy Lawless

What squeaks as it solves crimes ?

Miami mice !

Why aren't you allowed alcohol on a golf course?

Because it's a crime to drink and drive.

Why didn't the movie ticket get convicted of both of its crimes?

It would only admit one.

What crime was committed against the coffee?

He was mugged.

Why did the vegetable thief get a lighter sentence?

Because he admitted the crime was *parsley* his fault.

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Why didn't the drummer commit the crime?

He couldn't handle the repercussions.

What's the difference between crime and cybercrime?

At the moment this joke.

Why did the phone get away with its crime?

Because it had good connections!

What do you call a black guy on a bike?

Crime

What's next, thought crimes?

CNN: If you stare at your hand for a long time it will look weird

What does a racist joke and a crime have in common?

They both start with you looking over your shoulder.

Why did the mobster buy a planner?

So he could organize his crime

Where do shapes go to pay for their crimes?

A prism.

Why did the husband go to jail for a crime his wife committed?

Because they finish each other's sentences

Why shouldn't you be racist?

Because racism is a crime, and crime is for black people.

What crime did the tree commit to be put in tree jail?

Treeson

What happens if a pyramid commits a crime?

It is put in imPRISMment!

Did you hear about the crime in the parking garage?

It was wrong on so many levels.

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Racism Jokes More Racism Jokes

What's thr difference between the chinese and racism?

Racism has many faces.

Why is all the racism in America downstairs?

That's where we keep them chained up.

Cat Jokes More Cat Jokes

What's a cats favorite Mexican dish?

A purr-rito

Why did the cat get arrested for playing a violin?

Because it was a kitty fiddler.

Rhyme Jokes More Rhyme Jokes

Whats Brown and... Whats brown and rhymes with Snoop?

p p

What rhymes with freedom?

Oil

Lower Jokes More Lower Jokes

How can a law student make it?

lowering the bar. or not to.

How do you lower the crime rate?

Give the criminals badges.

Hang Jokes More Hang Jokes

What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs, who hangs out in your pool?

Bob

Why does tigger smell?

Becuase he hangs around with pooh! Had to share my 5 year olds joke..

Escape Jokes More Escape Jokes

What is one thing Harry Houdini can't escape from?

Stomach punches

How did "El Chapo" escape prison?

Joaquin.

Owl Jokes More Owl Jokes

What do you get when you hire an owl to babysit your kids?

A real hootenanny!

What do you give to an owl who is not being himself?

A Bowl (B-Owl)

Use Jokes More Use Jokes

Why couldn't the pirate use the bubblegum vending machine?

Because there is no quarter for the wicked.

What does the Doctor use to keep things running smoothly in the T.A.R.D.I.S?

WD-4D