People Jokes

What should you do when people talk behind your back?

Fart

Dad Jokes: Over 600 of the Best (Worst) Jokes Around and Perfect Gift for All Ages! (World's Best Dad Jokes Collection)
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What do you call a snowman who cons people?

A snowfake I thought it was appropriate for this time of year. Merry Christmas reddit! You have my permission to tell this at any Xmas parties you attend

Why do people call Pokemon Ruby, Sapphire and Emerald the "teenage years" of Pokemon?

Because they were super horny.

This joke may have profanity.

What do people drink at Club Obi-Wan?

Qui-Gon Gin.

Why are people from Arkansas so good at Science?

Because they use the Theory of Relativity to find a partner.

What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus?

Claustrophobic

What do you call a theme park where people go to have selfies with chickens?

Pout-ry farm..

Why did Frosty drop his pants?

Because he's a pervert that likes showing people his snowballs.

What do you call people that you hate?

Clouds, because once they are gone it's a beautiful day.

Why are school shooters more likely to be white people?

White people actually go to school. Black people stay home and shoot people in their own neighborhood.

Why do people at work always laugh at my jokes?

Because they're paid to.

The Book Of Terribly Awesome Dad Jokes
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What do me an Kanye West have in common?

When I rant as much as that people boo me too.

What do maimed people drink at 5PM?

An amputea

What did the cannibal do to the people he didn't like?

He drowned them in the morning.

What do you call a president who interrupts people?

Donald Tr- WRONG!

Why do black people have darker skin than other people?

Because, similar to leaves fallen from a tree, black people are dead inside.

Why do people never see an Apple store getting robbed?

It doesn't have windows.

What's the difference between in-laws and outlaws?

Outlaws are wanted people

How many people does it take to change a lightbulb in a monastery?

Nun.

What do you call it when two people make a baby in fog?

A mist conception.

What does "IDK" mean?

I keep asking people, but they don't know either.

Wacky Jokes for Kids: Over 500 Kids' Jokes including One-Liners, Knock-Knock Jokes, Tongue Twisters and Wacky Facts for Kids - Perfect for kids ages 5 to 12
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How do people with injured hands commute to work?

Carpool tunnels

What's the difference between a feminist and a gun?

Some people are against shooting guns.

How many didn't?

Ten. (Shame this one doesn't work too well for reddit - the funniest part of this joke is the third punchline enjoying people struggle to understand what the hell you're talking about.)

How are crayons like people?

The white ones are usually pretty pointless

Why are TV's attracted to people?

Because we turn them on. / /

Why do people admire pirates so much?

They have nerves of steal.

Why are people so creeped out by the guy in the unicorn mask?

Because he's always horny.

This joke may have profanity.

What do you call someone pretending to nice to people just to get upvotes?

karma chameleon

Why do some people cough alot?

Because they drink to much coughee.

Why don't blind people skydive?

It scares their dogs too much

The World's Greatest Dad Jokes: The Complete Collection (The Heirloom Edition): Over 500 Cringe-Worthy Puns and One-Liners
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Why didn't George like driving through tunnels with people in his car?

He didn't want to get carpool tunnel syndrome.

Why are there walls around a cemetery?

Because people are dying to get in.

What's the deal with black people?

They're not black, and they're not people!

What's the difference between the people and bullets?

The people miss Harambe.

What's the difference between bullets and people?

People miss Harambe

Why are cemeteries surrounded with walls?

Because people are dying to get in there.

Why did the feminist's bakery go out of business?

She told people to stop patronizing her.

How do cats speak to people?

They commeownicate.

What would people call Ryan Lochte if he went to jail?

Ryan Locht-up

What happened to the joke that insulted the mods?

People laughed, because it was a good joke.

Why did SJWs call out Medusa?

She kept objectifying people.

Why do people keep a picture of their wife and kids in their wallet?

To remind them why there's no money in it

Why are people in wheelchairs always getting taken advantage of?

Because they're easy to push around and never stand up for themselves

Why can't your jokes ever make NRA members laugh?

Because jokes don't make people laugh, people make people laugh.

What's the difference between people from Dubai and people from Abu Dhabi?

People from Dubai don't watch The Flintstones, but people from Abu Dhabi do

What do anime ghosts say to scare people?

Weeaboo

Why do people from Istanbul always swim?

Because they're constant in a pool.

Why couldn't the Sailor steal other peoples work?

It was Pirated.

Why do people point at their wrist when asking for the time?

Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?

How do you know a neighborhood is too ghetto to film in?

If most people leave before shooting starts.

Why do people take such an instant dislike to Ted Cruz ?

It saves so much time.

What do nine out of ten people enjoy?

A gangbang.

This joke may have profanity.

How do people in other countries tell if kids are using drugs?

Here in the U.S. we just ask them how many grams are in an ounce.

What is not a truck crashing into people?

Nice.

What do people and trees have in common?

They both fall down when you hit them with an axe.

What do people in Arkansas do for Halloween?

Pump kin.

What does Apu say when people leave him to browse reddit?

Thank you, Karma gain

Why do cemeteries have fences?

Because people are dying to get in.

Why is a bad government like a bikini?

Because people marvel at what's holding it up. And they wish it would fall.

How much money does the Government pay people with autistic disorder?

Enough to buy a computer that can play League of Legends.

Why do people who drink milk struggle to walk?

Because they lactose.

What is the main reason people are voting for Brexit?

When asked if they want to be economically joined with Greece, all they can say is "eeeeuuuuuuu"

What do you call something that makes fun of people and can fly?

A mocking bird!

Why are stick people extinct?

Because you can't rub two sticks together you get fire.

What do people from the 1930's and /r/news jokes have in common?

They're both old.

What do you call people who use the pull out method?

Parents

What do the people of Skyrim use to exercise?

A Nordic Track.

What do you call a large group of people who spit on others?

The Salivation Army.

Why don't people tell Chemistry jokes?

Because they never get a reaction.

How do you annoy people on Reddit?

removed

What is the difference between Dubai and Abu Dhabi?

The people in Dubai don't watch the Flintstones but the people in Abu Dhabidoooo!

Why did Thor not invite many people to his brother's wedding?

Because it was Low key

Why do people with heart disease always lose at poker?

They have to take ACE inhibitors.

Why aren't people afraid to submit reposts?

Because there's no karma involved.

Why should transgender people get separate bathrooms?

There's already handicapped stalls.

Why do so many people like Harry Potter?

It's a charming story.

Why are popcorn just like people?

Everything is fine as long as they are white, it is when they turn black it starts to be a problem.

What's the deal with reddit being obsessed about puns?

I've never... META ... group of people so obsessed with puns before.. Fine, I'll leave :(:(

Why do people carry around umbrellas?

Because they can't carry themselves

How many nuclear war survivors does it take to change a lightbulb?

None. People who glow in the dark don't need lightbulbs.

Why do you need to take notes during jokes?

Joke was supposed to be this: Why do you need to take notes during church? because the peoples of noah's day, "took no note".

How do you win an election?

By having people believe that you've won an election.

Why the turnout at Michael Jackson's funeral?

He touched a lot of people.

How do you determine which of two people is a chemist and which is a plumber?

One of them makes crack while the other just markets it.

How can you determine which of two people is a chemist and which is a plumber?

You ask them to pronounce unionize.

Why do people in tumblr like quantum computing?

Because it's non binary

What do people do for a party itinerary in the Jersey Shore?

Gym.Tan.Laundry.

Who is this "one"?

And why is he always arguing with people?

How do people at rodeos heckle the riders?

Moooo!

What musical instrument do people with STDs play?

The herpsichord.

What do people store their fondest memories in?

A nostaljar.

What do people and pizza have in common?

If they're black, they can't feed a family.

How many redditors are needed to screw a lightbulb?

As much people as is needed to screw that lightbulb.

What do people call Miley Cyrus in Europe?

Kilometery Cyrus

Why are firetrucks red?

You see, firetrucks have 4 wheels, can carry 8 men and 4+ 8 = 12. There are 12 inches in a ruler and Queen Elizabeth was a ruler. There was once a ship named Elizabeth that sailed the seas. Fish live in the seas and fish have fins. People from Finland are called Fins. Finland and Russia had a war a long time ago. Russia has red on its flag and that's why they're red. Cause they're always russian around.

Why do some people like to date pessimists?

All that salt must make them thirsty.

How many people does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Just two, but they'd have to be really small.

How does Donald Drumpf change a lightbulb?

He doesn't. He hires people with long fingers to do it for him.

What's the difference between Superman and Super Delegate?

The first one saves people from criminals, while the latter saves criminals from the people.

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Joke Jokes More Joke Jokes

What's the difference between a blue 7 and a red 4?

3, duh. (My ex's 9 year old little sister told me this joke, and followed is up with: "and YOU'RE the math guy!" >< Burned.)

What do you call a guy that can't make a joke?

A dead one.

Find Jokes More Find Jokes

What did Captain Kirk find at the end of the rainbow?

a LepreKHAAAAAAN!

Why couldn't the blonde manage to make Ice-Cubes?

A: She couldn't find the recipe.

Reddit Jokes More Reddit Jokes

What is the difference between Digg and Reddit?

People can Voat.

What did the Canadian Reddit user say?

Ehhhhh lmao

Study Jokes More Study Jokes

Why aren't you studying, Billy?

Billy's Mom asked him, "Well, why aren't you studying, Billy? You have an exam tomorrow!" Billy said, "Because I've already Reddit thrice."

Why are you studying your Easter candy?

I'm trying to decide which came first-the chocolate chicken or the chocolate egg!"

Laugh Jokes More Laugh Jokes

What's the difference between Jimmy Fallon and myself?

I can get through a Jimmy Fallon joke without laughing.

Who laughs the last?

The one who you have to explain the joke to.

Washington Jokes More Washington Jokes

Where is the best place to buy computer software?

Washington C.D

Why doesn't Connecticut have a name for it people?

What I mean is that people from NY are New Yorkers, people from California are Californian, and coincidentally people from Colorado and Washington are Potheads.

Engineer Jokes More Engineer Jokes

Why do engineers work out a lot?

They're obsessed with rigid bodies!

How many engineers do you need to change a lightbulb ?

You can take as many as you want but they will only give you the screwing direction.

Neighborhood Jokes More Neighborhood Jokes

What do black people and a tornado have in common?

It only takes one to ruin a neighborhood.

How can you tell a blonde is being unfaithful?

A: Everybody in the neighborhood is going to the pharmacy for penicillin.