Home Jokes

Why can't orphans play baseball?

They don't know where home is.

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Why are orphans bad at baseball?

They have no idea where home is.

What did the cholo say when two houses fell on top of him?

Get off me homes!

Why do americans like to visit Rome so much?

Because it reminds them of home.

What is it called when a Sailor in the Navy gets a care package from home?

Underwear Replenishment

What did the Mexican say when his house collapsed on him?

Hey, get off me homes !

What did the oyster say when the monster broke into his home?

Shucks

What do you call a Mexican detective?

Sherlock, homes

How many hippies does it take to change a lightbulb?

Please help. There are ten so far and they have invited their gross friends to our home. They are using the broken lightbulb to smoke crack off of.

Why did Minotaur win an interior design award?

Because his home was a maze thing.

What did the Mexican say when two houses fell on him?

Get off me homes.

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What size lumber is used to build homes in Dubai?

Dubai fours

Why did the dolphin run away from home to start a new life?

He felt he had lost his sense of porpoise.

Why not?

It wouldn't be the first time he pushed a black family out of their home.

What is a long distance love?

It's when you're in the office, bed is at home and whiskey is in the bar.

What does the guy who has been backpacking just a bit too long miss most about home ?

A home-cooked shower.

What do you call a black guy wearing an ankle bracelet?

A stay at home dad

What did the Mexican say when the house fell on him?

Ayyyy watch it homes!

What did the man say when he realized the boy who asked him out was an orphan?

No home oh

How are babies and strippers alike?

They're fun to play with but I wouldn't want to take one home

What do you suppose Ray Rice's fiance' did when he got her home from knocking her out?

The dishes if she knows what's good for her!

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What happened to the baseball played who was unfaithful to his wife?

He was thrown out at home. - His two balls got a strike.

What does a suicidal teenager do on the weekends?

Hang at home.

What did the Mexican say with one sleeve rolled up and one sleeve not?

Not even, homes

What did the mexican say when a development fell on him?

yo get off me, homes!

What did Reddit say to his elderly mother when he tried to take her to a home?

Get in the Karma.

Why doesn't Saddam go out drinking?

A: Why should he when he can get bombed at home

Why'd you get me carrots and lettuce?

Wait but that means-" *Hamster at home wearing glorious diamond earrings*

Why did the dog's friends send her home from the bar when she started to act strange?

They thought she might have been slipped a woofie.

What did the blonde do when she heard that 90% of accidents occur around the home?

A: She moved.

How do you keep a blonde at home?

A. Build a circular driveway.

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What did the Syrians use to light their homes before candles?

A. Electricity.

What does a racist decorate in their home for the holidays?

Their bigotry.

What do you call a horse that's thinking of home?

Mentally in-stable.

What's the scariest 3 letter acronym for a soldier in Afghanistan with a 15 year old daughter at home?

IUD

Why did Richard leave his home this morning?

For Harambe.

Why did the electrician multiply distance and voltage?

Because he forgot his voltmeter at home.

Why are orphans terrible at baseball?

They've never known what home is.

Why did Putin forget his backpack at home when leaving for school?

He was Russian.

What fruit had to have an announced wedding at home?

Cantaloupe

What's your favorite part about being a stay-at-home mom?

Me: Showering is optional Her: HAHAHA, be serious. Me: Ok, no drug tests.

How does a pig write home?

With a pig pen.

What does a French beaver call her home?

Madame

Why are orphans unable to play baseball?

They've never known what home is.

How did you get into counterfeiting?

Criminal: I answered an ad that said "Make money at home."

Why are u home so early?

Hubby : "My boss said go to hell!"

What ghost did Ebenezer Scrooge encounter when he refurnished his home?

The shadow of his former shelf.

How can we keep our school Clean?

Student : By Staying at home. :p

Why do the Heisenberg operators for position and momentum work from home?

Because they won't commute.

What do mice do when they're at home ?

Mousework !

What do you call a stay-at-home parent?

Unemployed.

Why did the young Greek boy run away from home?

A: He was not being reared right!

Why is a dog like a baseball player?

He runs for home when he sees the catcher coming.

Why did the Ewok ESL student do so well with conjunctions?

He felt at home with And/Or.

What do you call the ghost of a chicken that haunts people in their homes?

A poultry-geist.

Why is it so hard to get a mortgage in Columbia SC?

All the homes there are underwater

What is the hamburgers' most familiar song?

Home on the Range'!

What do you call 1000 black people buried up to their necks?

Afroturf Also, I'm not racist. I have two color tvs at home.

Why are you sleeping at your desk?

Me: Because my bed is at home.

What did the blonde do when she discovered that most accidents happen within a mile from home?

She moved.

What is the worst kind of wood to have in your home around your kids?

Naughty pine

What did the cholo say when the houses fell on him?

ey, get off me homes!

How did the hermit pay for his home?

A: Alone.

Why didn't Kevin from Home Alone call the cops when the burglars came around?

He was running a trap house.

What kind of materials do dinosaurs use for the floor of their homes?

A: Rep Tiles

Why couldn't Joe get to home?

He was a Mets fan.

Where do you want to go?

So I click on the 'Home' icon and it starts all over again.

What excuse did Adam give to his children as to why he no longer lived in Eden?

A. Your mother ate us out of house and home.

Why were you late ?

Sorry teacher I overslept. You mean you need to sleep at home too !

Whats the difference between a black guy in jail and a caged birth?

The bird doesn't feel he's home.

Where's your better half?

The PS4's at home "No I mean-" Where WOULD it be Wow, dumb question.

Which appliance in your home do you think is the most useful?

His answer: "My mom."

Why does keeping tropical fish in your home have a calming effect on the brain?

Because of the indoor fins.

What did the Mexican guy say when the two houses fell on him?

Get off me homes.

Why did the farmer's house catch on fire?

He left his home on the range.

Why did a kid get arrested for taking a home made clock into school?

Sounds like he had already done the... time

Where does a burger feel at home?

On the range!

Why don't they have bars in Syria?

Because, they prefer to get bombed at home.

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How do black people tan?

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What is most commonly found in cells?

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What did Reddit almost change their name to during the Victoria controversy?

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How does an Asgardian like his parties?

Loki

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What do you call a boy with no arms and an eye patch?

Names! -Bo Burnham

What do boys and algebra have in common?

They are both trying to find their X and they don't know Y.

Backpack Jokes More Backpack Jokes

Whats in his backpack?

Answer: Parachute

What's in the backpack?

A parachute.

Window Jokes More Window Jokes

What's the difference between a 4 year old and a bag of cocaine?

Eric Clapton would never let a bag of cocaine fall out of a window. Too soon

What does a suburban neighbourhood do if there's a blackout?

They lock their doors and windows.

Difference Jokes More Difference Jokes

What's the difference between STD's and Pokemon?

I still haven't caught any Pokemon.

What's the difference between a 1950s mental asylum and my fridge?

One's filled with fruits and vegetables, the other's my fridge.

Bed Jokes More Bed Jokes

How can you tell soap operas are fictional?

In real life, men aren't affectionate out of bed.

What's red like a strawberry, hard like beef jerky, smells like vinegar, and is found under your bed?

Me neither. Help.

Hand Jokes More Hand Jokes

Who is the most popular guy at the nudist colony?

The guy who can carry a cup of coffee in each hand and a dozen donuts.

What did the pavement smoother say after he lost his hands?

I literally can't even."