Commit Jokes

Whats the difference between american women and middle eastern women?

American women get stoned before they commit adultery..

Exceptionally Bad Dad Jokes: So frightfully awful.. yet wonderfully spiffing

4.7

Paperback

Available on

Why's it so hard for blind people to commit crimes?

Because they can't see.

What do you call a scam artist who uses his vocabulary to commit crimes?

A LexiCon

What do you call someone who commits piracy?

Neckbeard the pirate

What happens after an alligator commits a crime?

You call an investigator

Why do software developers make the best relationship partners?

because they're not afraid of committing.

Why was the lumberjack executed?

He committed treeson.

What do you call ghosts commiting bank robberies?

The Polterheist

What do you call a midget psychic committing a crime?

Small medium at large.

What is black and in jail?

A black man who committed a crime.

Why was the computer programmer single?

Because he couldn't commit.

The World's Greatest Dad Jokes: The Complete Collection (The Heirloom Edition): Over 500 Cringe-Worthy Puns and One-Liners

4.7

Hardcover

Available on

What's the most casual crime you can commit?

Shooting the breeze.

Why are programmers good husbands?

Because they're good at commiting.

What happened to the thick yellow liquid that committed a crime?

It was taken into custardy.

How do you figure out if Will Smith committed a crime?

Dust for Fresh Prints! (i this version better than any snowstorm b.s.)

What did the samurai do...?

Q: What did the samurai do when he was dishonored by his inability to complete the crossword puzzle? A: He committed ritual sudoku.

How's someone just gonna fall asleep while committing a felony?

smh

What about breakfast teaches us the difference between "interested" and "committed"?

In a ham and egg sandwich, the chicken had an interest, but the pig is committed.

What's the difference between a Muslim woman and an American one?

An American woman gets stoned *before* she commits adultery.

What would have happened if asians had committed the attacks of 9/11?

10/11 with rice, thanks for your suggestion

Where can you find information about raisins that commit adultery?

Currant Affairs

Dad Jokes: Over 600 of the Best (Worst) Jokes Around and Perfect Gift for All Ages! (World's Best Dad Jokes Collection)

4.7

Paperback

Available on

Why was everybody too afraid to go to the barber?

He committed barbercide.

What do Augusto Pinochet and New Guns n Roses have in common?

They've both committed atrocities in South American stadiums.

What crime was committed against the coffee?

He was mugged.

Why didn't the drummer commit the crime?

He couldn't handle the repercussions.

Why did the husband go to jail for a crime his wife committed?

Because they finish each other's sentences

What did the japanese chef do after he dishonored the emperor?

Commit sushi

What crime did the tree commit to be put in tree jail?

Treeson

What do you call a disabled person committing a drive by?

Handicappn.

What happens if a pyramid commits a crime?

It is put in imPRISMment!

You might also enjoy:

Teach Jokes More Teach Jokes

What did the lions say to his cubs when he taught them to hunt ?

Don't go over the road till you see the zebra crossing.'

Why wouldn't you teach a woman how to ski?

Because there's no snow between the kitchen and the bedroom..

Piracy Jokes More Piracy Jokes

What's the difference between PirateBay and 9/11?

One is piracy and the other is CONSpiracy

What do you call someone who commits piracy?

Neckbeard the pirate

Fear Jokes More Fear Jokes

What's a blind mans worst fear ?

A prius

What's ur biggst fear?

Child1: Ghosts! Child2: Dogs! Child3: That humanity's core reaction to misunderstanding is anger

Lumberjack Jokes More Lumberjack Jokes

What do you call a dating service for lumberjacks?

Timbr

When the lumberjacks sawed down the tree where did the Gorilla hiding in the uppermost branches land?

Nearby - the Ape-lle doesn't fall far from the tree!

Chicken Jokes More Chicken Jokes

Why did the chicken cross the ocean?

To get out-of-range of North Korea's nukes.

What do you call a chicken with no neck?

A Hic. ----- wife hit me with this one today. Remove the n. E. C. And k. From chicken and it spells hic. I'm sorry Reddit.

Bank Robbery Jokes More Bank Robbery Jokes

Why are power tools good for bank robberies?

They know the drill.

What do you call ghosts commiting bank robberies?

The Polterheist

Pirate Jokes More Pirate Jokes

Where did the pirate go to college?

Yale. He was rejected from H**arrrr**vard.

Why did Mary get a restraining order against Black Beard the Pirate?

He kept trying to plunder her booty.

Commitment Jokes More Commitment Jokes

Why is Barbie's boyfriend afraid of commitment?

He's a chic Ken.

Why did the psych ward escapee never get married?

He had a fear of commitment