Break Jokes

What did the two rednecks say after breaking up?

Let's just be cousins.

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What does a lightbulb and a pregnant woman have in common?

Its easy to break the little light inside them.

How did the two perverts break up?

I think we should see other peepholes."

Why is ketchup married to mustard?

Cause ketchup accidentally broke the condiment.

What breaks when you give it to a toddler?

Their hips.

Why did Donald Duck break up with Daisy Duck?

Turns out she was a quack whore.

This joke may have profanity.

Why do baby boomers like fracking so much?

Because figuratively breaking the country apart isn't enough.

What do you say when your ex has broken up with you?

Ill call you tomorow

Why is it so hard to break up with a Japanese Woman?

You have to drop the bomb twice.

What does a blonde and a shotgun have in common?

You break them at the middle and load them from behind

What's the worst part about breaking up with a Japanese girl?

You have to repost the joke twice before she realizes that it isn't funny anymore

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What do you call a dwarf with a birth defect, is broke and can't drink milk?

Lack toes and tall or rent

What do you call a pothead that breaks up with his girlfriend?

Homeless

What happened to Sponge Bob Square Pants when he broke up with his girlfriend?

He went back to square one....

Why did the wheelchair-bound girlfriend break up with her boyfriend?

He kept pushing her around.

How did the road break its ankles?

The chicken crossed it.

Why did the black man try to break into jail?

He wanted to be with his family.

When do you REALLY know you need to break up with you GF?

When she starts winning arguments with you inner-voice.

What did Jessie say to Buzz after the condom broke?

There's a mistake in my womb.

This joke may have profanity.

What do you call a 350 pound stripper?

Broke

What does a conspiracy theorist say when he breaks up with someone?

I think we should start seeing other sheeple."

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What is the worst place to have the "you break it, you buy it" rule?

The pet store

Why did the fish's car break down?

It needed a tuna-up.

Why did x and y break up?

They couldn't function together.

What do you do if an Elephant breaks his big toe?

Call a big toe truck.

What do you call it when your water breaks and you can't get ahold of the midwife?

A midwife crisis.

What do you say when a corrupt Soviet takes a bathroom break right before war?

Now you're just Stallin.

What do you call a short clairvoyant person who just broke out of prison?

A small medium at large.

Why was the tree in prison?

Because it broke every branch of the law.

How I broke my cat's knees?

With rude eyes.

What do you call an Italian with two broken hands?

Mute

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What do you do if you break your arm in two places?

Don't go back to those two places.

Why did the goat stop trying to break out of jail?

Because he was just tired of being an escape goat.

Why are ships' portholes round?

So that if they break, water doesn't hit you square in the face.

How many trannies does it take to change a light bulb?

None, it's perfectly happy being broken, it's the fitting that has to change.

Why did Romeo and Juliet break up?

They were in a relationship!

Why did the man break up with his girlfriend who had a lazy eye?

Because she was seeing somebody on the side.

Why couldn't the redneck kid play baseball?

Because he fell down a stairs and his dad definitely didn't break his legs.

What did the oyster say when the monster broke into his home?

Shucks

What happens to a frog's car when it breaks down?

It gets toad away.

How did the psychiatrist break his leg?

He had a Freudian slip.

What did the basic girl say after all her writing utensils broke?

I literally cant even write now

What's the term for when the pool breaks during water birth?

A midwife crisis.

Why is it hard to break up with a Star Trek fan?

Because they are such Kling-ons.

Why did the astronaut break up with his girlfriend?

Because he needed his space.

How many hippies does it take to change a lightbulb?

Please help. There are ten so far and they have invited their gross friends to our home. They are using the broken lightbulb to smoke crack off of.

What do Chick-O-Sticks and armadillos have in common?

Every time you see one, it's already been broken in half.

How did Helen Keller break her arm?

She broke it trying to read the road signs.

What do you get when you combine Bromine with Barium?

Breaking Bad"

Why don't you see Santa for the rest of the year?

Because for the rest of the year he's in prison for breaking into people's houses.

What are your favorite jokes for the Holidays?

For those of us that struggle with our family perhaps this will help break the ice.

What do you get with breaking news?

News casts

How do you know when the Moon is going broke?

When it's down to it's last quarter.

Why did I break up with my vegan girlfriend?

She refused to swallow animal by-products.

Why does Sunscreen break atomic rule?

It's only SPF

How did the blonde break her leg from raking the leaves?

She fell out of the tree.

Why Did the Native Americans Car Break Down?

Their Injun died on them!

How'd Florida man break his leg raking leaves?

He fell off the palm tree

What did the woman do when she broke up with her boyfriend for her Mexican lover?

Go the other guey.

What is a Mexican's favorite Queen song?

I Juan to break free"

Who do Egyptians pray to when the public transportation breaks down?

Anubis (If you don't get it, say it slower.)

Why did the personal trainer break up with his girlfriend?

She just wasn't working out.

What does a Texan do if he breaks up with his girl friend?

He dates his other sister.

Why can't Bane play baseball?

He always breaks the bat.

How do you get banned from a subreddit without breaking the rules?

Post something humorous in . P.S: Is there anyway to ungild myself?

How did the Italian chef break up with his girlfriend?

Pasta la vista, baby."

What's the difference between a pizza and a baby?

A pizza doesn't scream when you break it in 8.

Why should've Christians chosen farts over bread?

It's more fun to break wind

Who do Canadians call when their car breaks down?

Triple, eh?

What is the only thing easier to break than a Razer headset?

Your sister's hymen.

Why did ygritte break up with Jon Snow?

She didn't want six inches of snow all year long.

What do auditioning for an acting role and playing sports have in common?

If you break a leg, you get cast

Why do windbreakers smell bad?

Because all they do is break wind.

What do you say to a broken Xbox One?

Nothing, you already said it twice.

How do you break a Pollock's finger?

Punch him in the nose.

What game do two strangers with Social Anxiety play?

Don't Break the Ice

What did Diane Feinstein say when her water broke?

Quick we need to get to the abortion clinic before it's too late!

This joke may have profanity.

Why did the eskimo spend 3 hours arguing with the return counter?

Because the warranty is void if the seal is broken.

What did the doctor say to the man that broke his arm?

Be patient

Why did little Jimmy break open his computer?

It said that it had 20 cookies in it.

How did the blonde break her leg raking leaves?

She fell out of the tree! I may not be a girl, but I'm blonde and find blonde jokes hilarious. xD

What do you call an Asian who breaks a lot of wind?

Fa Ting

Who does a lobster have in common with a broken hearted chinaman?

They are both crustaceans.

How do you throw an egg at the wall without breaking it?

With the chicken still around it

Why does the forest stink during a storm?

Because the trees break wind.

Why did the college student change his major from Biology to Physics after his first exam?

He needed to see if how fast his grade dropped broke any laws of physics.

Why did the English major break up with the pilot?

Because the pilot kept ending sentences with a preposition, over.

Why did the Vampire's girlfriend break up with him?

Because he was pain in the neck!

What do you call a clairvoyant dwarf that recently broke out of prison?

A small medium at large. (One of my sister's favourites)

What do you call a Mexican with a broken-down car?

Joaquin.

How do you tell a Japanese girl you're breaking up with her ?

You drop it on her twice.

Why did the band Wham! break up?

Because he didn't wake him up before he went went. It's , people.

How do you break a Polish man's finger?

Punch him in the nose.

How did the astronaut break up with his girlfriend?

I just need some space."

What's the hardest part of breaking up with a leper ?

They always leave a piece of themselves behind.

Why did the man use deodorant to fix a broken window?

He read that it was an invisible solid.

What can happen when a car breaks down?

A woman's car breaks down on a busy highway. She manages to ease it over to the shoulder and gets out and opens the trunk. Immediately two men clothed only in trench coats leap out and begin to open and close their coats, exposing themselves to the oncoming traffic. Pretty soon a police officer stops. "What's going on here?" the cop asks. "My car just broke down," the woman responds. "NO, I mean those two guys," the cop continues. "Oh," the woman replies, "they're just my emergency flashers."

Why did the pig break up with her boyfriend?

He was a boar.

How many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop?

I don't know. It kept breaking my guitar strings so I gave up.

How did Einstein prove you can break the law of relativity?

He married his cousin.

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Begin Jokes More Begin Jokes

What word begins with "N" and ends in "R" that I wouldn't want to call a black guy?

Neighbor.

What's at the beginning of the rainbow?

Refraction of sunlight in raindrops

Pregnant Woman Jokes More Pregnant Woman Jokes

What's the healthiest sport a pregnant women can play?

Kick boxing

What do a burnt pizza and a pregnant woman have in common?

The guy didn't pull it out fast enough!

Clothe Jokes More Clothe Jokes

What do you call a bikini clad conspiracy theorist?

An illumi-hotty!

When faced with a challenging situation I calmly ask myself "what would the hulk do?

Then I rip my clothes and smash stuff up!

Bottle Jokes More Bottle Jokes

How does a virgin pop her cherry?

by using a bottle opener

What do you get if you cross a bottle of water with an electric eel?

A bit of a shock really!

Car Jokes More Car Jokes

How do you know a car is from Poland?

The Polish.

What did the Japanese soda say to Papa John after he crashed his car?

I'm really sodie pop.

Guy Jokes More Guy Jokes

When all of a sudden Tinker Bell shows up. He goes to a worker and says, "Wow, you guys have fairies in here?

The worker then says, "No, our CEO doesn't like it."

What do you call a guy that hates Christmas and steals the woman you love?

Ebenezer Scrooge-yagirl

Happen Jokes More Happen Jokes

What's the worst thing that could happen?

If everything went wrong, maybe you'd get a pulse.

What happens when an elephant sits on a car?

It breaks the trunk.

Stop Jokes More Stop Jokes

What happened to Frankenstein's monster on the road?

He was stopped for speeding fined $50 and dismantled for six months.

Which chocolate stops dogs hair falling out?

Malteasers