Jack Jokes

What's the worst thing to say to a friend you see on a plane?

Hi Jack!

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Why was the Jack-o-Lantern afraid to cross the road?

He had no guts!

What does the pirates 5 trailer and the iPhone 7 have in common?

There's no jack

Why is Rose sad?

Because there is no Jack in iPhone 7.

Why did Tim Cook fire an unpaid intern lately?

His name was Jack

Why was Jack scared?

Because Jack was bean stalked

Why does ACDC prefer Android to Apple?

She's Got The Jack

Why did Apple employee get away jacking off in the office?

Because there are no windows!

What did Samsung say to Apple?

You don't no jack!

Which playing card can turn its hand to everything?

Jack of all Spades

Where's the best place to buy jive cheese?

Monterey, Jack!

Star Wars: Dad Jokes: The Best Worst Jokes and Puns from a Galaxy Far, Far Away . . . .

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Who you must not greet on a plane?

HI Jack!

How did Jack get rich?

His bean-stock went up.

What do Winnie the Pooh and Jack the Ripper have in common?

The same middle name.

How did Jack grow his portfolio?

He invested in beanstocks!

What happens when Jack is angry with his beans?

Jack and the beans talk

What do you call a British circle jerk?

A Union Jack.

What do you get when you cross Michael Jackson with the Karate Kid?

Jacks on Jacks off

What do they call number 17 in black jack ?

The stepmother, because sometimes you want to hit her, even though you shouldn't

What does a toddler get drunk off of?

Jack Danimals!

How do you steal something from a crazy person?

You straight jack it.

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What did the guy say after he finished jacking off?

Well that got a load off my mind.

Why did Jack get a restraining order?

Beanstalking.

What do you call a rabbit who lifts weights?

A jacked rabbit.

How did Jack know exactly where to find the goose in the giant's castle?

He had her.

What does a baby sound like when you put it in the microwave?

Idk, I was too busy jacking off...

Whats an iPhone 7's favorite brand of frozen pizza?

Not Jack's.

Who sleeps at the bottom of the sea ?

Jack the kipper !

How did Pinocchio figure out he was made of wood?

He was jacking off one day and his hand caught on fire.

How does Harry Houdini tell people to steal stuff?

Straight jack it.

What did the jack say to the car?

Can I give you a lift "

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What do Apple and Rose have in common?

They both lost jack.

What's the difference between an onion and a dead whore?

I cried when I cut up the onion. (Jack the Ripper)

This joke may have profanity.

What happened to the Guns 'n Roses tour bus when it got a flat tire and had to be jacked up?

Its axle rose.

What did the thief say when he saw the man leave his coat behind?

let's jack it.

Why didn't Rose get an iPhone 7?

She never let go, Jack.

Why did Jack cross the road?

Because he was bean stalked.....

What's wrong with the sentence "Jack and Jill is playing in the field?

Women should be first.

Why did the pirate have trouble with the alphabet?

Because his 'I' was all jacked up.

What did Apply say to the iPhone 7?

Hit the road, Jack.

What do you call a man with a car on his head?

Jack

Why Was Jill upest about the new iphone?

because there was no jack.

What do you get when einstein jacks off?

a stroke of genius!!!!! (its terrible, i know)

What did terrorist say to my friend Jack?

Hi Jack!

What sound does a frog make while jacking off?

Rubbit Rubbit

What does Rupert the Bear and Jack the Ripper have in common?

Same middle name!

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What were ACDC called when they were kids?

ABCD

Why does ACDC prefer Android to Apple?

She's Got The Jack

Play Jokes More Play Jokes

How is this joke similar to a musical about a thesaurus?

Both are a play on words.

What do you call a skank playing "H.O.R.S.E?

She missed two shots, so she's a ho. I'll leave now.

Breakfast Jokes More Breakfast Jokes

What do sick cannibals have for breakfast?

Vitamin bills!

When I bring you breakfast in bed, why can't you just say "thank you"?

instead of all this "how did you get in to my house " calling 9-11 business.

Plane Jokes More Plane Jokes

Why is Peter Pan on the No-Fly list?

Whenever he boards a plane it neverlands

Why were the people in the Twin Towers so upset about their pizza order?

They ordered pepperoni but all they got was plane.

Karate Kid Jokes More Karate Kid Jokes

How does the Karate Kid pleasure himself?

Wax off

What move does the karate kid practice the most?

He wax off everyday

Apple Jack Jokes More Apple Jack Jokes

What does Tim Cook have for breakfast in the morning?

Not Apple Jacks

Whats an ex-iphone user's favorite cereal?

Apple Jacks

Spade Jokes More Spade Jokes

What is the difference between a poker card and Africa?

The sooner is the Ace of Spades and the latter, a Space of AIDS.

How can Euchre and Marriage be similar?

Sometimes you start out all hearts and diamonds, but end up wishing you had a club and a spade.

Bad Thing Jokes More Bad Thing Jokes

What's the worst thing about being a Jehovah's witness?

Nobody asks, 'who's there ' when you try and tell a knock knock joke.

What's the worst thing about Jonestown jokes?

The punch line.